Love me for who I am
by Odango Atama
Summary: Mamoru tries to find out who he's truely in love with. Princess Serenity, or Usagi. But there's one thing that's stopping him. Himself. Set in the beginning of SailormoonR.
1. Prologue

**Love me for who I am**  
Written by: Neeko  
(tanpopo_nyo@hotmail.com)  
  
_Summary_: What if after all this time, Mamoru was always in love with Princess Serenity, instead of Usagi? What if he only saw her as a shadow of her previous self? How in the world could Usagi compete with... herself? This takes place in the very beginning of SailormoonR, before Chibi Usa or the Black Moon family ever came. 

This fanfic is based on the manga version of Sailormoon, but if you've only seen the anime version, you'll still understand most of it. The only part of this fanfic that is based on the anime is how Usagi and Mamoru found their identiies. In the manga, they fall in love before they find out they were lovers in the past, but in the anime, it left that big question whether Mamoru fell in love with Usagi because she was Usagi, or because she use to be Serenity. Near the end, it's obvious he loves Usagi, but lets pretend for this fanfic that we dont' know that. ^^

The plot of this fanfic was based on a "challenge" by one of my favourite authors, Princess Destiny. The story will be told from the point of Mamoru (although in one chapter, Usagi takes the turn.... ^^;...) and will hopefully have some huge angsty-ness in the future! *thumbs up*

**Update**: This story has been revamped! After 10 months, I've decided to finally pick up this story again and END it! Sorry for those who were kept waiting, but I will finish it this time! Please note that I've gone through the story and revamped some scenes, because my writing hopefully from 10 months ago has improved. Not that many big changes, unless stated in the chapter notes. Thank you all for waiting, and enjoy!  
  
***  
Prologue  
***

Long and wavy golden hair draped around his muscular body, like a second blanket. Her hot breaths sent chills down his spine, as her head rested in the crook of his neck. Her arm rested on his chest, her eyes closed, the woman was clearly in a deep sleep.  
  
How did he ever manage to end up with such a beauty? Surely all the men in the world had to be jealous of him. He had everything. A warm house, a high paying job, and most of all, the heart of this blonde angel sleeping in his arms. He didn't know anyone else who was as lucky as him.  
  
He loved the way she slept. The way her nose wrinkled when she was deep in thought, the way she took deep breaths, the way she whimpers when she's having a nightmare--which he would swoop in and kiss her fears away, the way she does, well, everything. Perfect. He held true perfection, right here. In his arms.   
  
He never knew perfection slept so damn much.  
  
"Wake up...." He quietly pleaded.  
  
"Mmm...."  
  
"Please..." He whispered into her ear, placing soft kisses on her check, towards her nose. By then, the angel's eyes slowly fluttered open, and a big smile formed on her face. "Awake?"  
  
"Thanks for ruining my favourite dream."   
  
"I'm sorry, but you sleep way too much."   
  
"Not my fault. I'm tired. Besides, you sleep a lot too. Depriving me of time with you." Pout.  
  
He chuckled. She was adorable when she pouted. "But the good thing about it is, I ALWAYS make it up to you." A mischievous smile formed on his lips, as he swooped in for a kiss. After pulling away, the girl smiled.   
  
"That's my favourite part."  
  
"So how was your dream?"   
  
"It was wonderful. My favourite one."  
  
"The one with the prince coming to save you and sweeping you off your feet?"   
  
"Mmhmm. And the prince was *awfully* charming. And handsome."  
  
His eyebrows narrowed. She was dreaming of another man? "Who is this man? I'll kill him!"   
  
She laughed. How he loved her laugh. "Honey, you can't kill yourself. I'd die if that happened." He was silenced with a small kiss on his nose, as she turned around and prepared to get off the bed. Grabbing a firm grip on her wrist, he tried to pull her back in.   
  
"Oh no you don't. You're staying here. In bed. With me."   
  
"I'd love to stay with you, forever, in this warm bed, but there are things to do. We both know that. Now come on, get up."  
  
He watched as the woman stood up from her seat in bed. Dressed in one of his large white shirts, it went up to her thighs, revealing her long, silky legs. Her blonde hair trailed behind her, like a blanket of gold. He smiled in awe.   
  
"What are you looking at?" She asked.  
  
"The woman I love."   
  
"You're so sweet, Mamo-chan...."   
  
"But you are sweeter, Serenity."   
  
***  
  
Chiba Mamoru's eyes shot open. His body was covered in sweat, as he sat up, breathing for air. Checking both sides of his bed, he was somewhat relieved not to find his girlfriend in bed next to him. If she were to wake up finding him stressed out like this, she would be absolutely worried.   
  
'That same dream....' He thought, finally catching his breath. For the past few weeks, he's had the same dream. Wake up with blonde girl, talk to blonde girl, watch as blonde girl wakes up, and call this blonde girl 'Serenity.' It shouldn't seem weird. Princess Serenity was his lover, back in the Silver Millennium, when he was Prince Endymion. Both were reborn as humans, and are now happily in love. Why did it bother him so much, though?  
  
Because it told the truth. The truth he was afraid to believe.  
  
He called the woman Serenity, while she called him Mamo-chan.   
  
Mamo-chan.  
  
A nickname specially reserved for HIS Usako. No one was to ever call him that. Just like no one was ever to call Usagi, Usako. It was forbidden. Might as well make a law for it. Cut off your tongue if you are to speak to forbidden pet names.  
  
But that woman called him that.   
  
So it must have been Usagi.  
  
But he called her 'Serenity.'   
  
Meaning, the woman must have been Serenity.   
  
But why would Serenity call him Mamo-chan?  
  
Perhaps he was in the form of Endymion.  
  
But she would call him Endymion. Or Endy. Or... whatever nickname Serenity gave him when he was Endymion.  
  
'It doesn't make sense...' Clutching his head, he closed his eyes. 'What could this dream possibly mean?' Glancing at the clock that sat next to him on a dresser, his eyes widened.  
  
8:15am.  
  
'There's a first for everything.' He dashed out of his bed, and quickly got ready for school.


	2. Chapter 1

**Love me for who I am**  
Written by: Neeko  
(tanpopo_nyo@hotmail.com)  
  
_Notes_: This chapter is going to rush into the story line because I don't want to drag it onto another chapter, since I started with such a vague prologue. Mamoru has told Motoki everything about the Moon Princess, etc.   
  
***  
Chapter 1  
***  
  
One day, she'd run a marathon. Really. She would. With her long legs, and tons of practice running, she should be able to run a marathon. A 14KM marathon. Of running.   
  
Of course, she'd pass out _way_ before the finish line, but wouldn't anyone running a 14KM marathon do the same thing?!  
  
"*huff huff* Must... get to class!" Tsukino Usagi cried, on her traditional mad dash to school. Already in her last year of junior high school, and she's *still* late to class. Oh, Luna said she'd grow out of it. It's just a silly teenager habit.  
  
Luna and her damn lies.  
  
It's not HER fault there was a burglar attack at OSAP. Some stupid idiot decided, 'Hey, lets rob some jewellery stores! Gurk gurk, don't mind me!' and just *had* to interrupt her beauty sleep. And it definitely WASN'T her fault that she decided to stick around with Tuxedo Kamen. And it sure as HELL wasn't her fault she decided to hang out at his apartment for about 2 hours, before having him bring her home around 5 AM, giving her about, say, 3 hours of sleep.   
  
Really, it wasn't her fault. At all.   
  
'If I get to school in the next 30 seconds, I can make it. Let's see... 2 blocks left... I have to pass each block in 15 seconds...!'  
  
15... 14...  
  
'Whoops didn't see that garbage can!'  
  
10... 9...  
  
'I didn't run over that cat, did I?'  
  
6...5....  
  
"SORRY LADY!" She cried, trying to dodge an old woman on the side walk.  
  
2...1....  
  
Almost there!!  
  
*SMACK*  
  
With the force of a train, Usagi flailed her arms, as she went soaring backwards, landing on her rear end. This just wasn't her day. "Would you watch where you're going--"  
  
"Usako?"  
  
She looked up and gasped. "Mamo-chan?!"  
  
Who would have thought? Punctual, Mamo-chan.   
  
Late.   
  
For school.   
  
Was the world coming to an end?  
  
"Daijobou ka?" He asked, extending a hand to help her up. Eagerly accepting his hand, she placed hers onto it, and with the help of his weight, she flung herself into his warm arms.   
  
"Mamo-chaaaaann!!" If there was one thing in the world that could cheer her up from ANYTHING, it would be her Mamo-chan. With his 'I just woke up' raven hair, his gorgeous smile, and the fact that he looked absolutely HOT in his uniform and reading glasses, he was just... well, perfect. The world could be ending right now, and she'd feel absolutely safe.   
  
And just a few weeks ago, she despised this man. Loathed him with every single part of her body. And now, there isn't one part of her body that isn't in love with him.  
  
It all changed when she found out they were lovers in the past. Feelings from her past helped her realize that she was in love with Chiba Mamoru after all. Underneath the loathing, underneath the hating. She loved him because she was Chiba Mamoru, and the fact that they use to be lovers in another lifetime.... well, that was a bonus.   
  
She looked up into his eyes, and smiled. She loved his smile. Those cute dimples would show up, his face would light up, and she'd melt into a puddle of goo. Everything about him... was perfect.  
  
But he wasn't smiling. He was worried. Stressed. Like he had a bad sleep. "Something wrong, Mamo-chan?"  
  
He looked away from her smile. "No."  
  
"Did you sleep well? I know I shouldn't have stayed with you... I must have kept you from your well needed sleep, ne?" Guilt plagued her. He shook his head, and slowly pulled away from her embrace. "Mamo-chan?"  
  
"I'm late; Usako... and so are you. I'll chat with you later, ne?"   
  
"H-hai..." Usagi watched as Mamoru smiled faintly, and dashed into another direction. Sure, he was late... and sure, this was his first time being late, and it'd make anyone edgy...but, something else was wrong. Something was bothering him. And losing his perfect attendance wouldn't cause this much damage. He couldn't even look her in the eyes. 'What's wrong, Mamo-chan?'  
  
2....1....  
  
Usagi groaned. "Aww crap..."  
  
***  
  
The teacher lectured _him_ on being punctual. 'I've been on time since kindergarten, and he gives ME a lecture on managing time.' Mamoru rested his weary head on his desk. 'It's not my fault I had to stay up with my girlfriend... why doesn't he lecture her?!' He almost slapped himself for even thinking that. 'No... that's not true. I *wanted* to stay up with Usako... why did I even think that?'  
  
He felt bad for giving her the cold shoulder earlier. As much as he wanted to stay with her, all he could think of was that dream. Acting all loving towards another woman--well, in a way, she *is* the same as Usagi, but.... not entirely. Still, he felt like he cheated on her.   
  
Sure it was just a dream. Just a normal dream. Hell, she probably had a few dreams about being with another man.   
  
Jealousy hit his chest. 'I hope that isn't true....'  
  
But a dream meant nothing.   
  
'Then what about the dreams of the Princess I had before I found Usako...? That dream meant everything to me. I'd be a hypocrite if I said dreams meant nothing.'   
  
A frustrated sigh escaped his lips. 'I'm so confused... what could this dream possibly mean? Acting all lovey dovey towards Princess Serenity? If I was Endymion, maybe I'd understand, but I wasn't Endymion. I was...  
  
..me.'  
  
"Mamoru-kun?" The raven haired man raised his head, towards a small whisper coming from his left. It was Ryuji, a friend of his. "What's the answer to number 5? I forgot to do that one..."  
  
"Oh. It's 14." He replied.  
  
"Arigato Mamoru-kun!"   
  
He smiled and nodded. 'Maybe Motoki-kun will know something about this dream... I should talk to him about it.'  
  
***  
  
"So you dreamt you were with another woman?"  
  
"Right."  
  
"Who technically is the same person as your girlfriend?"  
  
"Right."  
  
"And you're feeling like you betrayed her."  
  
"Right."  
  
Motoki scratched his head. "I don't really get it, Mamoru...."  
  
"Well, y'see, they are, technically, the same. Serenity and Usako are the same."  
  
"So then it's okay if you dreamt of Serenity. They're the same!"  
  
"But, they're not the same! Serenity was a princess! Elegant, beautiful, graceful, and future queen of the moon. Usako is.... well, beautiful... not graceful.. not exactly elegant... and it's not like she's going to be a queen anytime soo--"  
  
"So, they're the same, but they're not the same." 

"Exactly!" 

Motoki snapped his fingers in front of Mamoru's face. "Are you feeling okay, Mamoru-kun? You're not making sense at all today."

"I guess it's hard to explain... they're the same in other ways, but completely different in other ways."

"Hey, maybe it was a fantasy?"  
  
Mamoru's left eyebrow rose up to his hairline. Him? A fantasy?! He bursted out into laughter. "Me? C'mon Motoki... why would I have a fantasy, when I have someone like Usako?"   
  
The blonde arcade man smiled, while wiping a mug. "Well, everyone has it. It's that moment where you get rid of reality, and delve into something that could have happened. Your reality may be wonderful, but a fantasy is just a fantasy. It's not like you *want* to be with Serenity, right?"  
  
Mamoru paused. That was right, wasn't it? It's not like he wanted to be with Serenity.   
  
Right?  
  
So why wasn't he saying he didn't want to be with her?  
  
"Mamoru...."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You haven't replied to my question. You don't want to be with Serenity, right? You're with Usagi-chan."  
  
Again, the pausing. "I..."  
  
That's where Motoki got worried. He feared this day would come. Ever since he heard Mamoru and Usagi got together. He was hoping it was just his little worried self, but now it all may be coming true. Placing the mug down on the table, he sighed. "Mamoru, come with me in the back. Let's have a talk." Both men got up and walked towards the back room. Mamoru took a seat on a nearby couch, and Motoki took a seat next to him. "I'm really happy for you, Mamoru. After a life of such hardship, you're finally in love, with the woman you want to be with for the rest of your life."   
  
Mamoru closed his eyes, resting his head back. "Thanks."   
  
"When I heard that you got together with Usagi-chan, I was... thrilled. I mean, here are my two favourite costumers, who fought like there was no tomorrow. I was hoping you'd end up together someday, but you'd always go on and on about the princess who visited you in your dreams. You were in love with her. I know it."  
  
He was right. Ever since he was a child, she'd always visit him. He found himself falling in love with the Princess, which is one of the main reasons why he wanted to help her. It was the first time Mamoru ever experienced love.   
  
His eyes widened. Mamoru knew where Motoki was heading.  
  
"Then, you find out, she's the same as Usagi. The person who you were looking for, was right there, in front of you. The woman you loved since you were a child. Right there!"   
  
"Motoki..."  
  
"But she wasn't the same. She was, well... Usagi. Both of them were there."  
  
"Motoki...."  
  
"There is no doubt in the world that Usagi-chan loves you for you. The fact that you were her lover in your past life just helped her realize she was in love with YOU, Chiba Mamoru, all along. I could ask her right now, if she were to choose between you and Prince Endymion, she'd choose you."  
  
Here it came.  
  
"What I'm trying to get here is... maybe, you were never in love with Usagi-chan at all. Maybe you see her as a shadow of who she was before. Maybe that's what the dream was trying to get at..."  
  
Mamoru held his head in his arms. He wasn't in love with Usagi?! That can't be true. He loved her with all his soul....  
  
...didn't he?  
  
"That maybe... you were always in love with Serenity..."  
  
Mamoru's heart began to ache with pain. He clutched at his chest, breathing in heavily. "Stop it..." He pleaded.   
  
But Motoki kept going. "Tell me, Mamoru... tell me you love her. For who she IS, not for who she was."   
  
Sweat ran down his face, as he desperately gasped for the air. The pain intensified. The more he thought about it, the more it hurt. 'Tell him you love her! Tell the truth! Tell him... now!'   
  
"I--"   
  
Mamoru suddenly broke into a spasm of coughs. He clutched at his throat, as cough, after cough, after cough, forced itself out his mouth. His throat burned with pain. His mind was hazy, and his vision was blurry. Most of all, his heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest.   
  
"Mamoru-kun!!" Motoki cried, quickly rushing to his aid. "What's wrong?! Mamoru?!!"  
  
"Serenity..." He whispered, before closing his eyes and losing consciousness.


	3. Chapter 2

**Love me for who I am**  
Written by: Neeko  
(tanpopo_nyo@hotmail.com)  
  
_Notes_: For those who are confused about how this story is going, let me explain a few things. First off, as I said before, this takes place in the very beginning of SailormoonR. Meaning: Usagi and Mamoru KNOW about each other, and are, well, in love. While Usagi is sure they are in love, with these recent dreams, Mamoru is having doubts if maybe the only reason he's with Usagi is because she was Serenity. This story is about the problems he has to face while finding out the answer. But something is preventing him from finding out. Himself. It's a little hard to follow, but I'll try to make it easier. 

**Update**: Please note, that the dreams aren't suppose to make complete sense. They're suppose to be symbollic and metaphorical of what Mamoru is feeling. If you don't understand what's going on in his dreams, it's okay! You'll probably get it later on. Sorry if there was any confusion there. This chapter is going to seem a bit confusing at first, but hopefully you'll get what's happening.  
  
Will this turn out to be a U/M ending? Or does Usagi end up an unhappy girl? If I told you that now, why, you wouldn't even bother to continue reading, ne?  
  
***  
Chapter 2  
***  
  
"Mamo-chan...."   
  
"....why...."  
  
"Mamo-chan...."  
  
"...why do you call me that...."  
  
"Mamo-chan...."  
  
"...you are not Usako...."  
  
"Mamo-chan...."  
  
"...don't call me...."  
  
"Mamo-chan...."  
  
"Serenity...."   
  
"...it's alright my prince... I'll find you again.... don't be afraid when we meet..."  
  
"...but you found your prince..."  
  
"I'll find you."  
  
"...Serenity...."  
  
"I'll find you."  
  
"...don't leave... please..."  
  
"I'll find you."  
  
"...don't disappear."  
  
"I'll find... you..."  
  
***  
  
Weak eyes slowly fluttered open, bright light blinding his vision. His head hurt like hell, and his stomache felt like it was about to throw up everything he ate. And something felt wrong inside his head. Not because of the blinding pain, but.... it felt like... something was missing.   
  
"Mamo-chan?"   
  
He turned his head, rather quickly, a bit alarmed by the pet name. His vision was still blurred. He couldn't make out who called to him. All that could be seen was long, golden hair. Was it Serenity from his dreams?   
  
"Mamo-chan? Are you feeling well? Mamo-chan?"  
  
No. It wasn't Serenity. He sensed someone more familiar to him. It was....  
  
...her.  
  
Feeling a small squeeze on his hand, his vision began to refocus. "U...Usa..."  
  
He watched as her face lit up, like a Christmas tree on Christmas Day, as she threw herself onto him. Wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, she pulled him as close as she could towards her warm body. Mamoru blushed, feeling stupid for not knowing who this angel was. 'I should have known... only one person calls me that name...'  
  
'...well, the only REAL person.'   
  
"Mamo-chan.... I was so worried about you...."   
  
He felt tears fall from her fragile face onto his skin. Did he really cause her this much pain? "Usako..." He whispered, holding her as if she were about to break.   
  
"What happened to you?" She asked, pulling away.   
  
"I'm not sure... I just... blacked out. And I woke up. Here. With you." He stressed the last one.   
  
"I came as soon as I heard.... I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner."  
  
A reassuring smile. "You came as fast as you could. It's fine. Thanks, for being here, Usako." He brought his large hand towards her cheek, and caressed it gently. Her skin seemed like silk to his fingers. Smooth silk. Usagi smiled, and placed her smaller hand on top of his.   
  
"Motoki-kun said he'd be coming later... he was really worried about you, Mamo-chan."  
  
"Motoki? How'd... how'd he know?"   
  
Usagi raised an eyebrow. "You were with him. Before you blacked out. He's the one who told me."   
  
"What are you talking about?" He asked. "I was never with Motoki."  
  
***  
  
It was the first night in ages that he slept in a bed he didn't recognize. Although everything was fine, the doctors wanted to keep him in for just one night, to check on his conditions. The fear of hospitals still stayed with him the entire night, but that wasn't what kept him up.   
  
Neither was the beeping of the monitors.   
  
Usagi had left a few hours ago, but her words never left him. She claimed he was with Motoki, and that they were having some sort of conversation, and that's where he blacked out. Mamoru didn't get it. 'What conversation? When did I go to the arcade? How come I don't remember a thing?' Usagi was the type of person who would never lie, even if it meant her life depended on it.   
  
'I guess I have to wait until I see Motoki again....'   
  
How could he have forgotten? What were they talking about? What had happened that made him forget about a simple conversation? Mamoru groaned silently. He'd never be able to sleep.   
  
Suddenly, a faint click was heard in the background, and Mamoru's ears perked up. The door was opening. A small amount of light poured in, before disappearing again when the door closed. Someone was in the room.  
  
"Who's there?" He called.   
  
"Mamoru-kun?" A faint voice called.   
  
"Motoki?" He was relieved to say the least. "What are you doing? It's really late--"   
  
The light flicked on, and Mamoru covered his eyes from the blinding light. Motoki chuckled, and slowly walked towards him. "I'm a friend of the nurses. She was able to sneak me in some time here. Sorry I couldn't come earlier, but I had to take care of the arcade." The blonde haired man paused a bit, to take a better look at his friend. "How ya feelin?"   
  
Mamoru sighed, relaxing. "Great. My head still hurts a bit, but I'm fine. I can't wait until I get out of this damned hospital."   
  
"It's gotta be tough here alone. Good thing Usagi-chan visited you, ne? I made sure she knew what happe--"  
  
"Yeah." He cut in. "Usako visited me."   
  
"....."  
  
The awkward silence.  
  
"Mamoru-kun.... about our conversation earlier...."   
  
"I don't think we should talk about that..."   
  
"But we really should--"  
  
"I have no idea what conversation we had. That's why we can't talk about it." Mamoru was surprised to see the shocked look on Motoki's face. "Usako told me I had some sort of conversation with you, and I blacked out."  
  
"So you forgot? You have no memory, what so ever? So from the end of school until you woke up, you have no idea what happened."  
  
Mamoru shook his head. "Nope. It's kinda strange. Out of everything, I forget that one conversation." He chuckled softly to himself. "Was it intense?"   
  
Motoki sighed, and took a seat next to the bed. "You bet...."  
  
"So, what was it about?"   
  
Motoki gave him a distressed look. "Your dreams."  
  
"My dreams?" Mamoru blinked a few times. 'Could he mean Serenity? Did I talk to him about Serenity?' "Are you..."  
  
"Yeah... it's about Serenity."   
  
"But... I talked to you about that all the time. Why did I forget and black out this time?"   
  
The blonde paused, before pulling at his collar, trying to let air brush against his hot neck. "This one was more serious... it was about you, Serenity... and... Usagi-chan..."   
  
Mamoru's smile slowly faded, as a small memory flashed before him. He remembered not trying to listen to Motoki... and that his head hurt a lot. "Usako? Why... why would I try to forget about--"  
  
"Because we were talking about how she may not be the one you love."  
  
But before Mamoru could reply, his head banged with pain, and his consciousness was lost.  
  
***  
  
It was dark. He couldn't tell the difference if he closed his eyes or had them open.   
  
It didn't matter.  
  
All he could feel was the small droplets of rain that fell constantly onto his head. His clothes were damp, his hair was damp. He was all wet. His face got damp, but not from the rain.  
  
From his tears.  
  
Small tears betrayed his strong will and slowly fell down his cheek.   
  
"Help me." As if someone was there, he called to them while falling to his knees, crying.   
  
Yet someone answered. He couldn't see who it was, but he felt someone kneel in front of him. Warm, soft hands lifted his head up, and rested on his cheeks. "Little boy..." It was a woman. Her voice sounded like an angel singing. "Are you lost?"   
  
He didn't know who this woman was. Nor what she looked like. But someone, he felt like he *knew* her. "Help me..."  
  
"What's wrong, little one?"  
  
"I don't remember...." Tear after tear fell from his face. He could sense the woman smile, as she began to wipe away his tears.   
  
"You don't remember? What don't you remember?"  
  
"I... don't remember... who...."  
  
"Who..?"  
  
"Who... I loved..." He rested his weary head on the woman's lap, as he began to sniff back his tears. "I loved her... but I don't remember her... and every time I do, my head hurts... and I forget..."   
  
"Shh... it's okay..."  
  
"And I'm scared... what if she leaves me? Or what if I forget her completely? I'll hurt her... she'll be in pain.... I can't... I can't bear the thought of causing her pain...." The woman stroked his head softly. This action really comforted him. A stranger, comforting him.  
  
No, not a stranger.   
  
"She will not leave you. No matter what you try to do, she will never leave you."   
  
"You don't know that for sure..."  
  
"I do. You are lost. She is lost. You're both lost."  
  
"I'm going to lose her..."  
  
"She'll find you."  
  
The boy lifted his head up, and stared up at the woman, but all he got was darkness. "She will?"  
  
"She'll find you."   
  
"Will I find her?"  
  
"You'll find her."  
  
"We'll find each other..." He smiled, and rested his head on her lap again.  
  
"Even if you forget her, she'll find you. And you will find her. I promise."   
  
He slowly began to close his eyes, as the rain began to stop.  
  
"I'll find you, my prince. I'll find you."  
  
The boy smiled. "I'll find you too." His body shined with light, as an older, bigger version of himself took his place. The light around him made the woman's face somewhat visible.   
  
"Mamo-chan..." She whispered.   
  
"Serenity..."   
  
***


	4. Chapter 3

**Love me for who I am**  
Written by: Neeko  
(tanpopo_nyo@hotmail.com)  
  
_Notes_: More clarification on the plot? I suppose I was a little vague, so maybe this will take care of it. In this story, Endymion and Serenity were born and died. They were reborn as Mamoru and Usagi, meaning, they are the same people, but different, as well. The way I looked at this "reborn" situation was that they were born as M&U, but not entirely the same. Usagi is obviously not the exact same as Serenity, and Mamoru is not the exact same as Endymion. However, in ways they are. So, to me, Serenity and Usagi are the same, but since they are also different (the personality, things like that) Usagi shares both the spirit of herself and Serenity. Same with M/E. They ARE the same person, but the Serenity and Endymion still live on in their bodies. I know, my take is a little confusing, but that's the way I've always looked at it. Hopefully that clears up a bit of the confusion. ^^;  
  
Sorry for the delay. I've been rather busy, and I needed sometime to gather my thoughts and ideas about this fanfic.  
  
****  
Chapter 3  
****  
  
It had been two days since he had left the hospital, and ever since then, the relationship between Motoki and him hadn't been the same. As he sat there, drinking his dark coffee, he could tell that his friend was feeling some sort of frustration towards him. He didn't get it.   
  
Ever since he left the hospital, Motoki would always nag at him, trying to remind him of conversations he just couldn't remember. Then, he'd always manage to say something that would strike some sort of memory at the back of his head, but then everything would go black. He'd pass out, wake up, and remember nothing of what happened moments before his black out. Thus, starting the never ending circle...  
  
He figured Motoki must have realized HE was the reason for his black outs, so he kept shut about whatever this "conversation" was. But it was killing Mamoru inside. What *was* it that he wanted him so EAGERLY to remember? And why couldn't he remember it at all? He was never the type of man to forget things. Well, before that car accident. But all these memories he had been forgetting had one thing in common.  
  
That bloody "conversation."   
  
Then, there were the dreams. Dreams seemed to always haunt him. It's the same girl as before. THE Princess. All he could remember when he woke up was that he was always acting romantic with her. Him. Not his former self, Endymion, but him. Chiba Mamoru. Getting all friendly with Serenity. He could feel his insides battling against him. What could they possibly mean? Was his subconscious trying to play a trick on him? Was it something he ate? Or could the black outs and these mysterious dreams all be related?  
  
To tell the truth, he felt like he cheated on Usagi. Sure, it wasn't real, and yeah, they ARE the same, but inside, he felt like he was cheating. Guilt plagued him, and ripped him up in the insides. Every night, he'd have some sort of dream with her, and every morning he'd wake up, wandering what the hell is wrong with him.  
  
"Just staring at the coffee isn't going to bring more. You have to ask me for some."   
  
Mamoru's head rose, as he looked at his no longer silent friend. Slowly handing over the cup, Motoki took it in his hands and walked towards the coffee machine. This weird tension between them was... awkward, to say the least. Motoki returned with his newly brewed coffee, and went back to his arcade duties.   
  
"Motoki...."  
  
No reply.   
  
"Motoki."  
  
......  
  
"Motoki!!"  
  
"What?!" He yelled, not even bothering to turn around. The people in the arcade suddenly stopped what they were doing. The chattering, the beeping, everything. Everyone just turned, to look at the two.   
  
"What the hell is wrong with you? You've been acting like I killed your best friend, or something!"   
  
"Nothing is wrong."  
  
"So, why can't you even turn around to face me while we argue?!"   
  
"Because I know I'm going to hurt you if I do!"   
  
So that's what it was. The boy felt guilty. Guilty for all his visits to the hospital, guilty for his black outs, guilty for, everything. That's what the tension was. Afraid. He wanted to talk about it, but he couldn't. Mamoru stood up, reached into his pocket, and dropped a few yen on the counter. Grabbing his jacket, he turned on his heel and out towards the door.   
  
Motoki turned around, and placed on his arcade smile. "Sorry about that folks! Continue on with your games!"   
  
****  
  
There was only one place he could go when he needed someone to talk to. The one place where he'd feel like everything is alright again. Where all the problems would just flutter away in the wind. He raised his hand to the door, and knocked three times, while clearing his throat.   
  
The door opened, and a familiar face greeted him. "Oh, Mamoru-san! Wasn't expecting you!"  
  
He smiled. "Konnichiwa, Tsukino-san. Is Usagi around?"   
  
The purpled haired woman placed a long slender finger on her chin. "She isn't here, I'm afraid. You just missed her. She said something about being at Rei-chan's. Want me to tell her you came by?"   
  
Mamoru nodded. "Yes, please. Thank you." He bowed, and turned around and walked away. So his comforter wasn't there. He could find another way to vent his problems. Really. He could.   
  
He ended up waiting three hours by her gate.   
  
Just when he felt like turning home, his angel came skipping by. She was always happy. Always carefree. And that's the way she should be, forever. No problems. Nothing like what he was facing. His face lightened, as she walked up to him. Her face with concern, yet happiness that he was there. "Usako...."   
  
"Mamo-chan? What are--"  
  
"I need to talk to you--" He tried walking towards her, but his knees gave up from standing all day. Usagi ran towards him, and caught him before he fell. Her face alarmed with worry.  
  
"Mamo-chan? How long have you been waiting here? Come inside, you're freezing!"   
  
He didn't know when, but Usagi's mother had left, leaving just the two of them alone. Father dearest was at work, and her little brother was at a friend's house. Resting on the couch, Usagi patted the pillow behind his weary head. Brushing a few strands of hair away from his eyes, she got up and began to prepare tea. "Mamo-chan, if you told me you needed me, I would have come back earlier."   
  
"It's fine..." He lied. "Something just came up, and I needed to talk to you." She returned tea in hand. Kneeling beside the couch, she began to pour it into a cup, careful she wouldn't spill.   
  
"Is it your black outs again? The doctor said to take it easy in school. You shouldn't over work yourself."   
  
"No... It's something else."   
  
"Oh? What is it?" She handed over his cup, as he sat up. Taking a sip of the hot liquid, he felt his insides warm up. Letting out a small sigh, he looked over to his inquisitive girlfriend. "Is something wrong, Mamo-chan?"   
  
"I've been forgetting things."  
  
"The doctor said it had to do with stress."  
  
"It can't be stress."  
  
"Then what could it be?"  
  
"I'm not sure... but.... it's hurting Motoki. He feels responsible for all these black outs, and my hospital visit, and everything. It's like... he's trying to help me remember, but every time he does, I forget even more." He sighed, taking another sip of his tea. "And it's really hurting him up inside."   
  
Usagi smiled, and rested her head on his lap. She looked up at him and said, "I'm sure Motoki-kun is alright. You just need to help him see that it's not his fault. But..." Her smile slowly turned into a frown. "I wonder what it is that he wants you to remember."  
  
"Whatever it is, it's triggering all these black outs."  
  
Usagi's eyebrows rose to her hairline. "Really? Are you sure?"  
  
"Well, they only happen when someone tries to get me to remember what the hell Motoki and I were talking about. Then, when the black outs are over, I don't even remember talking to them about whatever I was talking about! It's... confusing." He looked down, when Usagi removed her head from his lap. She stood up, and motioned for him to lie back down.   
  
"Rest for a bit. You're tense. I'll try talking to Ami-chan, and see if she knows anything about your black outs. Just rest and everything will be alright...."  
  
Mamoru smiled. She always knew how to make things better for him. "Arigato, Usako..."  
  
****  
  
2 hours later, Mamoru awoke. It took him a while to remember where he was. The room was dark, and it sounded like no one was around. He slowly sat up, and glanced at the floor. Usagi was lying on the floor, sleeping in a sleeping bag, curled up to a stuffed bunny. He felt guilty making her sleep on the floor.   
  
She was so considerate of him. She always put him before her. He reached out, and touched her cheek. She looked so peaceful when she was sleeping.   
  
"Mamo-chan..." She whispered, still deep in sleep.   
  
Memories of his dreams came to him. He wondered if maybe he should tell Usagi about them. He felt bad not telling her about those either. Usagi was the only person (besides Motoki) that he would confide in. But this time, he had trouble telling her. To him, it seemed like he was cheating on her, even if he wasn't. 'So why not tell her?' He asked himself.   
  
Standing up, he crouched down and placed his arms under Usagi's back and legs. Lifting her up and placing her on the couch, he fixed the blankets to make her more comfortable. The sudden movements stirred her, as her eyes slowly fluttered open. "Mamo-chan....?"  
  
"Ah, Usako... I didn't want to wake you up."   
  
"Are you going home?"  
  
"Do you want me to?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then I won't."   
  
"Come sleep here with me."  
  
"What if your da--"  
  
"No one's coming home today. Come."   
  
There was no arguing here. He lifted the blanket up, and lay down next to her. Wrapping his arms around her small waist, pulling her warm body against his, he inhaled her sweet scent, as his head rested on her hair. He closed his eyes and fell asleep.  
  
***  
  
His small head rested on the woman's lap, as the rain drops fell onto his face. "Ne... is it possible for someone to love two people at the same time?"  
  
She sighed. "What kind of love do you mean?"  
  
"Like... the love between girlfriends and boyfriends."  
  
"No. To me, I think that it's impossible for one to be in that kind of love with two people at the same time."  
  
"But what if one of them was someone you loved before and the other one is someone you love now? What if you have feelings for the one you loved before, and the one you love now?"   
  
The woman was silent.  
  
"So, it's possible for someone to love two people at the same time?"  
  
She remained silent.  
  
"Is it wrong?"  
  
.....  
  
"What if you can't decide? What if you love them both equally?"  
  
....  
  
"Or what if you think you're in love with one of them, so you choose them, but you regret it later on?"  
  
"Maybe.... you were never in love with her."  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"The one you love now. Maybe she was just someone you needed when you lost the one you loved before. Perhaps the one you loved before is the one you love now."  
  
The boy raised his head. "Maybe...."   
  
"That's why, to me, it's impossible to love two people like that at the same time." She rested her head back and sighed.  
  
"So... am I in love with you, or am I in love with her?"  
  
"....I can't answer that, obviously."  
  
The boy chuckled. "I suppose." He rested back down on her lap and smiled. "I just wish you could tell me... because I'm going to forget things that I need to know to decide."  
  
......  
  
"Serenity?"  
  
......  
  
"Serenity?"  
  
......  
  
"Serenity?"  
  
"....Mamo-chan?"   
  
"You're not Serenity...."  
  
"....Mamo-chan?! Why are you saying her name...?"  
  
"You're not the one I love." The boy stood up from the woman's lap, and began to walk away.  
  
***  
  
Mamoru's eyes slowly opened, to see Usagi staring straight at him. Her face looked confused, hurt, in pain. As if she was betrayed somehow. "Usako? What's wrong?"  
  
She looked away, trying to hide the pain in her eyes. He could see the tears start to build up. "Nothing."   
  
"Usako?" He blinked a few times, as she got up from the couch. "Usako?"  
  
She smiled. "I'm going to take a shower," she said, and ran upstairs.  
  
Mamoru could tell that was a fake smile. What could have possibly hurt her?  
  
He then remembered the dream. 


	5. Chapter 4

**Love me for who I am**  
Written by: Neeko  
(tanpopo_nyo@hotmail.com)  
  
_Notes_: The next chapter will explain EVERYTHING. This chapter is a little vague on the subject. 

Updated: A new Usagi-POV scene and many alterations.  
  
****  
Chapter 4  
****  
  
Mamoru impatiently tapped his foot against the ground, as he waited at the bottom of the Tsukino households' staircase. An hour had passed since Usagi got up and left from her comfy sleep to take a shower. But something was wrong this time. Her eyes showed she was in pain. As if she felt betrayed somehow. Mamoru wondered what could have possibly happened.  
  
'You're not the one I love.'   
  
Those damn dreams.   
  
Mamoru knew who that little boy was. It was him. The woman had to be Serenity. That part made sense. But what didn't make sense was the way they acted around each other. What was all that talk about loving two people at the same time? It all didn't make sense from that point. But the more he tried to think about it, the more his head started to throb with pain. Knowing if he thought about it more, he'd pass out once again, and give Usagi more worries than she needed.   
  
He couldn't take it anymore. He had to check up on her. Up the stairs he went, until he was in front of her closed door. Raising a hand to knock, he stopped midway, when a familiar noise was heard. He pressed his ear against the door, and listened.   
  
"...not sure.... Rei-chan....."  
  
Was she on the phone? Her conversation was hard to hear.   
  
"...he said... love... got up.... left...."  
  
Yep, she was definitely on the phone. With Rei. Suddenly, his heart struck with pain, when he heard her sniffle. She was crying?! Mamoru wanted to punch himself right there and then. He made her cry. Yet again. How he wanted to storm in there right now and hold her.   
  
Yet something inside him was stopping him.  
  
Instead, he knocked on the door. He could hear Usagi scramble to hang up the phone. "Mamo-chan?" She called.  
  
"Are you okay, Usako? You were taking quite a while, I thought something--" The door swung open, and Mamoru wanted to die. Although she tried her best to cover it, her eyes were still puffy and red. Cheeks stained with dry tears, and her lips were quivering just a bit. Her hair was a mess, and her usual cheery smile wasn't there. "Usako, were you crying?"  
  
He saw her flinch, knowing she had been caught. "N-no--"  
  
Mamoru placed his hand under her chin, and pushed up slightly. Looking into her deep blue eyes, he could definitely tell she was crying. "Don't lie to me, Usako. I can tell. What happened?" She just stared at him, trying her best not to burst into tears. Mamoru sighed, and wrapped his arms around her, holding her small body tightly against his. "Usako, did I say something? To hurt you? Please tell me... I don't like seeing you in pain."   
  
She sniffed. "You love me, right?" She asked, her voice muffled from his shirt.  
  
"What did I say to you, Usako? Tell me." He almost kicked himself for not answering her question. Yet again, something was stopping him. Usagi pushed herself away from him gently, and wiped the tears that managed to escape. "Usako..."  
  
"It's stupid! I'm crying over something stupid. You said something in your sleep which shouldn't hurt me, but it did! And I feel stupid crying over it and making you worry...." She confessed. Usagi rubbed the tears away, and put on her strongest face. "You said you didn't love me. And it hurt. But it shouldn't, because I know it's not true." She smiled. "Ne?"  
  
Mamoru didn't reply. The same thing that was stopping him was stopping him from replying. 'Answer, you fool! Why won't you answer her?!' He desperately tried to find something to say, anything. Why wasn't he saying anything? He could see Usagi's world shattering beneath her.   
  
"Right, Mamo-chan? You love me, right?!"   
  
'Say something! Yes, yes you love her! Say it!' But nothing came. Mamoru took once glance into her eyes, and knew, her heart had shattered into a million pieces. All because of him. She clutched her chest and slowly fell to her knees.   
  
"I should have known.... you never liked me. Maybe your previous self loved my previous self, but you, never loved me. It was just silly image I painted in my head. Telling myself everything was alright. How stupid of me!"   
  
Every word struck Mamoru's heart with a dagger. Something had possessed him, and was controlling him. He could move his body, but all the things he wanted to say, he wasn't able. He struggled to say what his heart wanted to say. But all he could do was listen to Usagi pour her feelings.  
  
"Just because Serenity and Endymion were together, doesn't mean Usagi and Mamoru have to be together too... right? Even if I fell in love with you, doesn't mean you had to fall in love with me." She looked up at Mamoru, with a smile on her face. But there was no happiness, or cheeriness in her voice. "I'm sorry, Mamoru-san... you can go now. You don't have to stay with me."   
  
Mamoru felt like crying with her. The pain he could feel, was the most pain she had ever felt. The battle with Beryl was nothing compared to what he could tell she was feeling. All because of him. Mamoru knew he couldn't stay here. He had to find out what was possessing him, and why. He knew this had to be connected to the dreams. "Usako... I...."   
  
Nothing else came out of his mouth. Instead, he turned away, and left. As he closed her bedroom door, he could hear her cry. Mamoru ran down the stairs and out of the house, to the only place he knew he could go.  
  
****

Her world had officially ended. 

Usagi couldn't even look up as Mamoru turned around and left. She waited until she heard the door close, before letting out the cries of pain. 

The moment he said You're Not the One I Love, Usagi's heart began to tear into pieces. She ran upstairs to take a shower, and broke down and cried. Phoning up Rei, she told her everything. "I'm not sure what's wrong with him, Rei-chan. I don't know why he said it.. He said he didn't love me, and I go up and left to take a shower."

"Usagi-chan, I'm sure Mamoru-san was just dreaming about something else. He loves you, ne? What if he was dreaming about black licorice and red licorice? Maybe he was talking to black lico--"

"Rei-chan, I hardly think that's what he was dreaming about."

"I'm trying to give an example. You know what I mean. Just don't worry about it. Mamoru loves you, you know he does." 

Usagi knew with all of her heart that Mamoru loved her, but she always wondered was he in love with who she is, or who she was? 

Today answered that question.

He loved her for who she was. 

She wished it was the other one, but she knew it was inevitable. 'I use to be a gorgeous princess.. elegant, beautiful, graceful.. of course he was in love with her! Why couldn't I see it?! Why did I delude myself into thinking that maybe.. that maybe...

..he loved me for who I am.' 

She continued to cry. 

"Mamo-chan..." 

***

Mamoru hesitated. This wasn't the wisest place to go, but it was the only place. 

He knew she wouldn't help him, yet his feet kept moving. 

They stopped, when he met face to face witht he person he was looking for. Gulping, Mamoru was shaking. Who would have thought this person could be so scary? 

"You've got some nerve coming here, Chiba!"  
  
"Rei-chan, I need your help."  
  
"Don't you dare call me Rei-chan after what you just did! You know I just got off the phone with Usagi, who was crying like there was no tomorrow, because of some JERK who couldn't answer a simple question?!"   
  
"Rei.. I know it sounds bad, but hear me out..."   
  
Anger burning in her eyes, she pulled out her ofuda. "Rin, pyou, tou...."  
  
"Rei..."  
  
"..sha, kai, jin, retsu...."  
  
"Just hear me out!"  
  
"...sai, zen...."  
  
"Rei...."  
  
"Akuryou...."  
  
"Something is controlling me! I need to figure out what it is, so I can stop hurting Usako!"  
  
"TAISAN!!!!"   
  
Mamoru tried to move out of the way, but the priestess was quick. She ran up to him, and smacked the ofuda right on his forehead. He waited for the fire to scorch his skin, yet nothing came. Rei raised an eyebrow, and smacked him at the back of the head. "Liar, nothing is controlilng you!" 

He pulled the paper off his forehead, and looked up at the fiery priestess in front of him. Her raven hair tied up in a ponytail, and her traditional maiden uniform, Hino Rei threw her broom down. Her eyebrows narrowed, and eyes with anger, she impatiently waited for his response. "I didn't mean a spirit was controlling me. Look, I know, I must sound like the biggest jerk in the world--"  
  
"Maybe that's because you are!"   
  
Ouch. Mamoru flinched. "Just let me explain, please..."   
  
Rei folded her arms across her chest. "You have 30 seconds before I send you to hell."  
  
He gulped. Rei can be very scary. "I think something is wrong with me. I've been having these dreams lately... and they're making me hurt Usako, and Motoki. I need your help to find out whatever the hell it is, and to get rid of it. Please, Rei, you're the only person I can talk to right now..." He looked up to see if she had understood what he said. It took a bit of reasoning, but Rei finally let down her guard.   
  
"Fine. Just remember, I'm doing this for Usagi-chan, and not you, you spineless jerk."   
  
Mamoru smiled. "Thanks."   
  
***  
  
Kneeling on a pillow, Mamoru closed his eyes. Rei had brought them to the fire reading room, to see what was wrong with him. If it wasn't spiritual, maybe something was wrong with him physically. 

He could feel her concentrating her energy towards the fire.   
  
Knowing Usagi probably spilled everything to Rei, he still had no one else to go to. Mamoru knew Rei's devotion to Usagi, and as angry as she was at him, she knew she had to help. Mamoru waited patiently waited for Rei's answer.  
  
The fire increased, along with Rei's hand actions. The flame grew bigger, and bigger, and bigger, until it stopped. Rei opened her eyes. "Mamoru-san...."  
  
"Hai?"  
  
"...nothing is wrong with you."   
  
She had to be lying. Something had to be wrong! "You're joking. There has to be something. Are you sure you didn't miss anything?"   
  
Rei turned around to face him, and shook her head. "The fire is never wrong."  
  
All sorts of alarms ran through Mamoru's head. So he was doing this on his free will? HE hurt Usagi? Not some demon possessing him? His brain wasn't working right? It was... him? "Rei... there has to be something. I would never hurt her like that... Check again!" He demanded, standing up from his seat.   
  
"Mamoru-san, calm down. When I said nothing is wrong, I meant nothing is currently posessing you, or physically wrong. I did, however, sense problems within you. Your soul is troubled. Both of them."   
  
"Both of them?"  
  
"The soul of Chiba Mamoru and the soul of Prince Endymion. You know you carry both, as Usagi does with Serenity's soul. Yours are troubled." Rei sighed, and looked into his eyes. "You've been having dreams, right?"   
  
"Yeah."  
  
"About what?"  
  
He hesitated. All of this seemed familiar. "They're about--"   
  
He didn't finish, for he fell to the floor unconscious.  
  
****  
  
"Wake up. You pathetic child."  
  
"Mmm...."   
  
"Get up. Now."   
  
Little Mamoru slowly got up from his sleeping place on the floor. The rain was still falling. Instead of the woman who comforted him, it was a larger man. He was wearing heavy metal armour, and he couldn't see his face. "Who are you?"  
  
"It doesn't matter. You need to stop crying and sitting around and doing nothing. You're in trouble. And it's not only hurting you, it's hurting me, and the ones we love."  
  
Little Mamoru was confused. "I'm in trouble?"  
  
"Ever since I was awakened. Ever since your memories were released. You have been in trouble. Your soul wants rest, but all it does is cry in pain."   
  
"What did I do?"  
  
"Find the answer to the question that is troubling you."  
  
"What question?"  
  
"Find it quickly. Before you stop yourself."  
  
"Before I stop myself? What are you talking about?"  
  
The man didn't reply, and turned around, his cape fluttering behind him. "You'll forget once you figure out. You must be strong when the answer comes, or all will be lost. You will be stopped by yourself."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Little Mamoru reached out and tugged onto his cape. "Please, don't go! I need to know what's happening!"   
  
The man disappeared, and Little Mamoru began to cry.   
  
****  
  
His eyes slowly opened, as he felt a cold substance being pressed against his forehead. Mamoru moaned slightly, as a pain traveled through his head. 'What happened?' He wondered. He felt blankets being secured around him, and he was lying down on the floor. The place seemed familiar to him, but he couldn't tell where he was.   
  
"You're awake," A voice called. Mamoru turned his head slightly, and was surprised to see Rei with a tray of tea. "Drink some when you're feeling better."  
  
"Rei? Why..." He couldn't remember why he was here. Why was she here? "Why are you here?"  
  
She frowned. "Because I live here?"  
  
"I'm in your shrine? How did I..."  
  
Rei looked just as shocked as Mamoru. "Nani? You don't remember?" She watched as Mamoru slowly sat up, clutching his head in his hand. "Remember? You came to me wondering what was wrong with you..." She waited for a reaction, but got none. "Don't you remember anything?"  
  
"I remember going to Usagi's house... her mom told me she wasn't there, so I waited in front of her house.... and..." He searched his brain for answers. "I don't remember anything else. How did I get here?"  
  
Rei had never heard anything like this in her life. How could someone forget all of that? Sure Mamoru had history of forgetting, but then again, so did she. She reached out to touch his forehead, and frowned. "You have no fever... you honestly don't remember a thing?"   
  
"No..." He searched his mind, but all he got was a blank. "What happened, Rei?"   
  
"You came here to find out if something was wrong with you. I did a fire reading, and you passed out. You woke up, and...well here we are." She blinked a few times, before scratching her head. "You didn't hit your head on anything...."  
  
"This is exactly what happened before...." Mamoru remembered. "I was talking with Motoki about something, and I passed out... and I couldn't remember a thing." He turned to Rei, and blinked. "Rei, what was I talking about before I passed out?"  
  
"Well, I found out your soul was being troubled... and it was connected to the dreams you've been having. You were about to tell me what happened, and well, you passed out." Her eyes widened. "Could that be the reason for your blackouts?"   
  
"Something inside of me doesn't want me to remember anything related to those dreams..."  
  
"There's nothing possessing you. I'm sure of it."  
  
'"You'll forget once you figure out. You must be strong when the answer comes, or all will be lost. You will be stopped by yourself."'   
  
Mamoru remembered his dream. The man, the woman, everything. It was all clear. "Rei... it's me."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"It's me, that's stopping me. I'm stopping myself from remembering. I'm blocking my own memories out. It's me."  
  
Rei took a deep breath in, trying to understand everything. "I don't get it... why would you stop yourself?"  
  
"I don't know... I can't talk about the dreams. I'll pass out again, and I won't remember a thing. All I remember when I wake up is having the dreams. That's it."  
  
Suddenly, it was all becoming clear to the both of them. Rei smiled. "So the only way you can figure this out, is do it in your dreams... otherwise, if you do it now, everything will be lost."   
  
He nodded. "Stay here, alright? I need you to watch over me. Wake me up if anything--"  
  
"Got it. Mamoru-san?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"What were your dreams about?"  
  
"....they're about Princess Serenity."   
  
As expected, Mamoru's eyes shut tight, as he fell back into his bed, slowly falling into his dream world.


	6. Chapter 5

**Love me for who I am**  
Written by: Neeko  
(tanpopo_nyo@hotmail.com)  
  
_Notes_: It's been a little slow these past few days. Sorry. I've been quite busy, and forgot how I was going to end this story, so I had to sit down and think of the possiblities, and even now, I don't know. o_O; There'll be at least two or more chapters, and it's done. This chapter tries to explain a lot of confusion that I left. If you're still confused, I'm sorry... you can leave a review or email me with your question. (Or perhaps a suggestion on how to write it more clearly?) 

Updated: I changed alot of scenes in here, because as I look back now it was really confusing. Hopefully now it'll be more understandable. If you still don't get it, please wait for the final chapter, as it will explain everything.  
  
***  
Chapter 5  
***   
  
The scenary was different this time. Instead of the dark and gloomy ones he'd always get, it was bright and uplifting. A rose garden surrounded him, and a fountain stood in front of him. This place seemed vaguely familiar to him.   
  
"Where am I?" He thought outloud.  
  
"You're in the garden of the Moon Kingdom." A voice called to him from behind. Mamoru turned around on his feet, eyes widening. The woman who had visited since him since he was a child, was standing right in front of him. Even if it was just a dream. "Isn't it lovely? I always loved this rose garden..." Her long, golden hair trailing behind her, Princess Serenity walked towards a rose, and bent down to smell it. "Don't you think, Mamo-chan?"  
  
He clenched his fists. "Don't call me that... only Usa--"  
  
"Aren't I your beloved Usako? Are we not the same? Can't I not call you Mamo-chan?" She asked, not even bothering to look at him. Mamoru frowned, unable to answer. Serenity sighed, still staring at the red rose.   
  
"Serenity.... I need to know something. You're the only one I know who can help me." Mamoru waited for the princess to reply, but none came. She just brushed her fingers against the rose, inhaling it's sweet scent. "Serenity, please! I beg of you... I need your help." Again, no reply. Mamoru began to get impatient. He walked up towards her, and violently grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her repeatedly.  
  
Serenity began to scream. "Yamete!!"   
  
"Serenity, you need to help me! I might lose her... I could... I could lose the one I love the most!" He slowly stopped shaking her, but not releasing his grip on her. Serenity looked into his eyes, and could see his tears slowly forming. She smiled at him.  
  
"But I'm right here."  
  
"You're not her!!" He growled, while his firm grip increased. "You and Usako are different! I love Usako!"   
  
Although her arms were already bruised from his grip, Serenity tried to pry out. "Are you an idiot? If you love Usako, you love me! Besides, you fell in love with ME first. The only reason you love 'Usako' is because I am her!"   
  
Everything she said went in one ear, and out the other. It didn't make sense. What she said couldnt' be true! "That's not true..."  
  
"Why do you think you couldn't tell Usako the truth? When she was asking you in her room? You didn't say a word. You can't lie to her. You can't lie to us. Face the truth, Mamo-chan!"   
  
The moment she finished her last word, she disappeared into thin air. The garden, the roses, everything turned black. Mamoru slowly fell to his knees, still grasping onto the words she was telling him.   
  
Was it true? Was he only with Usako because... because... she was Princess Serenity? If that wasn't true, he would have fallen in love with Usagi the moment they met, but he knew that wasn't true. Her words, 'Aren't we the same?' kept replaying in his head. Serenity *was* reborn as Usagi. They ARE the same. Are they not? 'They may be the same people... but their souls, their personalities are completely different...' He closed his eyes, as the familiar rain began to fall onto him. He couldn't face the truth. He was in love with Usako, because she carried the soul of Princess Serenity?

Is that the truth? It made sense. When he first met Usagi, he knew there wasn't love there. When did he fall in love with Usagi? Was he even in love with her at all? Is what Princess Serenity said true...?

He loved her because of who she was?

He shut his eyes. 'I can't cry... Don't cry....'

He cried.

***

His eyes were greeted with darkness.

He was still dreaming. 

The rain kept falling, his entire body was drenched in water. 

He didn't care. 

He turned his head to the right, when a flash of red and orange light caught his eye. His eyes narrowed, as the lights disappeared, and all that was left was darkness. However, he could tell someone was there.   
  
"Mamoru-san?" The voice called.   
  
"Rei..." He replied.   
  
A small red aura surrounded Rei, and she became slightly visible. She slowly walked up to Mamoru, and her eyes widened. "Mamoru-san. What are you doing on the floor?" She asked, while kneeling down. "You look as if you were crying just now."   
  
He didn't notice the tears that continued to fall from his eyes. Quickly brushing them away, he looked up at Rei. "What are you doing here? And how?"  
  
"You started violently shaking, so I figured, something's gotta be wrong. So, I did a quick fire reading, and saw what happened... so I quickly came into your dream to help you through this."   
  
Mamoru looked into her eyes with his own confused ones. "You shouldn't be helping me."

Rei blinked a few times and raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"You heard what she said. I'm only with Usagi because she was Serenity! I'm the jerk who broke your best friend's heart. You should be conjuring a spell to turn me into a demon, or something! Not help me." He sat up from his seat, got up and walked right passed Rei, who quickly ran up to him and grabbed him by the shoulder.   
  
"You don't know what she said is true! For all we know, she could be playing with your mind right now! The only one who really knows the answer, is YOU, Chiba Mamoru. Don't run away like some little child who lost his lollipop!"  
  
He brushed her hand away from his shoulder. "I *am* a little boy. I've always been. I've never grown up."  
  
"Stop being such a dumbass!" She swore, grabbing his shoulder again. "You're a full grown man now. Sure, you were once a scared little child. We all were! But now you're not. You've gotten passed all those hardships. You're a man. A strong, confident man!"  
  
"What would you know?!" He yelled, turning around to face her. "Don't you see WHY I always black out when I put the two pieces together? Because deep down I don't want to face the truth. I'm scared of it. I block out the memories, just to prevent myself from feeling the pain. See how frightened I am? See how much of a chicken I am? See how I can't face silly things like that? Tell me, how is that being a strong, and confident man?!"  
  
"Mamoru-san...." She whispered, while putting her hand to her own mouth. This wasn't the same Mamoru she knew. The Mamoru she knew was stronger than this. He wouldn't let someone else's thoughts get in the way of his. This Mamoru.. had completely broken down. His soul was shattered. "You're... you're... you're just...."  
  
"Shut up, Rei. You know I'm right. You know there's nothing you could possibly say that could prove me wrong. I don't deserve to be with a girl like Usagi. I hurt her bad. I should just kill myself right now--" He was stopped short, as Rei's hand slapped his cheek. The blow was a lot harder than he expected, as his cheek burned. He looked up at Rei, who looked as if she just killed someone. She slowly reached out towards him, but he backed away.   
  
"Mamoru-san... I'm...."   
  
"It's okay... It's just a--" He was stopped yet again, when another slap came to his other cheek. "What the hell?!!"  
  
"I'm not sorry for what I just did! You deserved that! Will you listen to yourself? Listen to what you've become! The moment something is hard for you, you back down and cry. That's not the Mamoru I knew! That's not the Mamoru that I admired!" He looked up at Rei, who looked like she was about to cry, but she was stronger than that. He knew deep down. "Look... I know what it's like to grow up without your parents. My mom died, and my dad was just too busy for me. After growing up with no parents, no one to love, no one who loved you, of course you're going to grow some sort of defense against the pain. You don't want to go what you went through before, right? Doesn't mean you're a little boy!"

She smiled. "Look at yourself now. Look at how successful you've become. You died, and came back to life, twice! You managed to get past your trouble filled past, and look at the person you've become. You're honest, sweet, kind, super good looking," She giggled. "And you still have a chance to take back one of the greatest things that have ever happened to you." 

Mamoru looked at her with wide eyes. 

"You have to work your way passed that defense, and face your fears to get rid of it, once and for all. That's how we grow up." Rei slowly reached out towards him, her hands firmly placing against the places she had just slapped.  
  
"R-rei..." He looked down at the priestess. He could see that she was never a silly teenager. She was a mature woman. Whoever ended up with her would be a lucky man. She didn't give up on him, even if he insulted her, and hurt her best friend.   
  
"Mamoru-san... you're just confused. You grew up not knowing what love was. Your memory of your parents was gone. All you had were the dreams of Princess Serenity. Being so innocent, you probably thought this was love. No one was around to teach you what it was. Then, you meet Usagi. Someone who you never really thought about being with, until you realize, she's the woman from your dreams! So now, your soul is confused. Some person that you generally disliked, all of a sudden is the woman who is from your dreams, who you loved in a previous lifetime. Now, it has made it so, like you said, you wouldn't feel the pain that you felt before. You prevented yourself, without knowing, from realizing the truth. So it would stop you from feeling any pain."

She sighed. "But somewhere along the line, somewhere inside if you wanted to know the truth. What I'm trying to get to is... YOU have to figure out if you're in love with Usagi, or the fact that she was Princess Serenity. Don't let anyone tell you the truth but yourself."  
  
"How... how do I do that?" He asked.   
  
Rei smiled. "I can't help you with that. Just think: If you two were completely normal people. No senshi, no dreams, nothing. You two met. Would you fall in love with her?" 

"I..." He didn't have an answer to that. But he needed to find it.

"You'll find the answer to it, and I know you'll make the right choice. You're one of the strongest men I've ever met, Mamoru. Don't forget that. Even if you can be a jerk sometimes." She smirked.

"Am I really that good looking?" He joked.

"Naw, I just added that in for esteem points." She teased. "Now go."   
  
And with that, the dream ended.  
  
****  
  
Mamoru's eyes slowly opened. The familiar sight of the Hikawa shrine entered his vision. He turned his head to see Rei, lying on his chest, still sleeping. He smiled down at her. If it weren't for her, he didn't know where he'd be right now.   
  
Now he knew what he had to do. He knew all the facts, all he had to do was piece it all together.   
  
'If you two were completely normal people. No senshi, no dreams, nothing. You two met. Would you fall in love with her?'  
  
Rei's words kept replaying in his mind. Every single sentence she spoke never left his brain. He had to remember it all.   
  
He'd find a way. Staring down at the raven haired woman, he smiled sincerely, and placed a kiss on her head. "Thank you, Rei."   
  
He got up from the bed, but not before seeing a flash of blond hair run away from the door.   
  
****  
  
Mamoru ran as fast as his long legs could carry him. He just kept running. 'I keep hurting her... I can't keep hurting her like this!' He knew Usagi had seen him kiss Rei. She'd misunderstand, hate him, hate her best friend. All because of him. "Usako!" He cried, when he managed to see her ahead of him.  
  
She kept running as well. He could sense her tears. Her pain, her sorrow. Feeling like she was betrayed by her best friend, and her some what of an "ex boyfriend." He had to make it all right. Usagi was a sweet, loving, caring girl, who didn't deserve the pain he constantly brought her.  
  
Although Usagi was fast, Mamoru was faster. His hand managed to reach forward and grab her by the wrist, yanking her into his embrace. The rain began to fall harder. His hair, his clothes, his skin, it was all wet. He didn't care. He just held her. He could feel her crying into his arms, wishing her body hadn't betrayed her by allowing herself to be held like this.   
  
The water on his arms weren't from the rain. They came from her eyes.   
  
Mamoru rested his head on top of hers, and closed his eyes. "Usako..." He whispered.  
  
"Go away... don't call me that...." She sniffed, still not attempting to move.  
  
"Look, what you saw wasn't what you think it is." He tried to explain, but Usagi took this time to pull away. She shoved herself away from Mamoru, to glare at him with an icy stare.   
  
"What? The fact that my best friend, who I was coming over to get comfort because the man who thought loved me, only used me because he had something going on with my previous self, is sleeping on top of him, and catch him kiss her?!" She gasped at her own words. 

"Usagi... it's not what you think."  
  
"Tell me, Mamoru-san. Tell me, what the HELL is going on!" She demanded. Mamoru knew she deserved to know. It was eatting her away. Her perfect life, shattered in an instant.   
  
But she couldn't know. Not now. Not yet. "Just... trust me."  
  
Usagi laughed hysterically. "Are you kidding me?! TRUST you?! Why the hell would I do that?!"  
  
Mamoru flinched. The words hurt more than he thought. "I know, it's asking a lot... but if you won't trust me, trust Rei. Know that she would never do something like that. She would never hurt you, Usagi."   
  
"I wish I could say the same about you, Mamoru!" She flung her harsh words at him, before turning around and running away. Mamoru contemplated following her, wondering if it was all pointless. He deserved her words, every single one of them. The man who was suppose to love her, ended up being the man who brought her endless heartbreak.   
  
Just as he was about to turn around, a flash of red caught his eye. He turned around, his eyes widening with horror. "USAGI!" He cried, running as fast as the wind towards her.   
  
'Run run... you have to make it, you have to save her... you can't let her--'  
  
He pushed Usagi's body out of the way, just before he felt the car slam into his body.


	7. Chapter 6

**Love me for who I am**  
Written by: Neeko  
(tanpopo_nyo@hotmail.com)  
  
_Notes_: Sorry I've left you all hanging for more than a month. Life's been busy with school work and personal musings, and plus I've been gathering ideas on how to end this story. There should be about one or two more chapters left. Thanks to those who have left comments encouraging me to write more. It really helps when you're low on inspiration! ^^; When this is done, I'll probably go over the story and revise a few things because there are some scenes that really bother me. *shrugs*   
  
This chapter is sort of, well, it builds suspense for the next one. Everything will wrap up in the next two chapters. I'll try not to leave you hanging for so long again. :D 

**Updated**: This chapter was re-written.. a lot. I noticed that LOTS of it was confusing. Hopefully it'll clear your mind now!  
  
***  
Chapter 6  
*** 

*beep* *beep* *beep*  
  
"...unconcious state...."  
  
*beep* *beep* *beep*  
  
"...don't know when... wake..."  
  
*beep* *beep* *beep*  
  
"...internal bleeding... surgery... don't know... recover..."  
  
*beep* *beep* *beep*  
  
***  
  
Mamoru slowly came to, his eyes slowly opening. He gently sat up, rubbing his dizzy and aching head. Where was he? Looking around at his surroundings, hoping something would seem familiar to him.   
  
Which happened to be nothing but pitch black darkness.  
  
Where was he? He groaned, continuing to rub his poor head. "Why do I always end up in these places?" He complained to himself. How did he end up here anyways?  
  
He remembered pushing Usagi out of the way from a car.  
  
His eyes widened. Did he save Usagi? Did she get hit by the car? Is she alright?

Or did he manage to save her, and die in the process?  
  
"Mamoru-san?" A voice called to him. He spun around. It was a voice he didn't recognize. He scratched his head.   
  
"Who are you? Where... are you?"  
  
"Do you know where you are?" It asked.  
  
"I think if I knew, I wouldn't be needing your help."

"Do you know what happened?" 

"I'm not sure. Things haven't been making that much sense lately." He sighed. "I just want to get out of here and see if Usagi's alright. Can you do that for me, whoever you are?" 

No response. 

"Okay then... I'll just, sit and wait, I guess." He muttered a few curse words. Sighing again, he turned around and let out a yell of fright. "Ahh!"

"Surprise!!!!" 

"Minako-chan?!! What are you doing here?!"

Surrounded by a bright yellow light, in front of him stood Aino Minako, in her school uniform, flashing a peace sign. "Aren't you glad to see me?" 

He blinked a few times, and reached out to touch her to see if she was real. His fingers pressed against her shoulders, and he blinked a few more times to make sure he wasn't dreaming. "Was it you who was calling to me earlier?" 

"Nope. I just got here. Aino Minako, soldier of love, to the rescue!"

He looked Minako up and down and raised his eyebrow. "Why are you here? And where am I?"

"All questions will be answered. Just be a little patient! First off, I lied. I'm not Aino Minako." 

"You sure look and sound like her."

"Ahh, really?" The girl giggled and smoothed out her skirt. "I'm a great actress, aren't I? I borrowed the form of Aino Minako to help you. Guess you could call me your guide!" 

"Guide? For what? And where am I?"

"I am a guide sent from the PTB. You've been causing some uproar up there, Chiba Mamoru." She explained, pointing up. "You're one of the rare people who are blessed to carry two souls, instead of one, and right now, they're causing some major disturbance in the balance of nature."

"PTB?" Mamoru asked. 

"Yeah, PTB. You know, Powers That Be. The hotshots who are running everything? They sent me to help you, and told me to borrow the form of someone you were familiar with."   
  
"...and out of all them, you chose Minako?"   
  
"Is there something wrong with the form I've chosen?" She asked. 

Mamoru blushed, and coughed at the same time. "No, of course not, it's just.. out of all people, Minako..." 

"Well, I think it's rather appropriate. I mean, didn't you think at first that Sailor V was the Princess?" She asked. 

Mamoru remembered that. They were all fooled to believe that Sailor V was their long lost princess, but she was actually the leader of the senshi. "So what exactly am I doing here?" He asked, quickly changing the subject.   
  
Minako-Guide held out her arms, "This, my friend is a gift."  
  
Mamoru crossed his arms, looking around at the darkness surrounding them. This was his present? Darkness? "Look, I appreciate the littlest things, but--"  
  
"Mou, don't complain about the appearance! It's nice! Gloomy, dark... well... yeah, I guess it does suck. But none the less, it's a gift."  
  
"Great. Next chance I'll get, I'll thank the guys up there for giving me endless darkness. I really appreciate--"  
  
"Oh, stop with the sarcasm." Minako-guide scoffed, rolling her eyes. "The PTB up there saw what you did today. You sacrificed your life for Tsukino Usagi. You gave up everything you had, everything you worked for... just for her to live." She touched her chest. "That was the most unselfish thing you could do, Mamoru-san."   
  
He recalled the pain he felt when he imagined it was Usagi getting hit by the car. He couldn't allow it. He ran, as fast as he could... never stopping... held out his hands, and pushed her out of the way. He flinched, remembering how it felt. 

His body crashing into the car, and falling to the ground with a thud. The worst part was hearing Usagi scream his name.   
  
Suddenly, his brown eyes widened, as a pang of realization hit him. "Wait... gave up everything?"  
  
"Mamoru, you died when you got hit by that car."  
  
***  
  
Her hands were shaking, her head, covered in sweat, her face stained with tears. Tsukino Usagi waited impatiently for the doctors to return with the results. They had told her earlier he slipped into a deep coma, one, that they were unsure he'd recover from.  
  
All because of her. 'My stupidity... my childishness... if I had seen that blasted car, he wouldn't have--' Usagi clenched her eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling. She'd been crying all day. She couldn't let Mamoru die. Not because of her, not because of anything. "Please wake up, Mamo-chan... please..." She pleaded.   
  
Kino Makoto looked at her weeping friend, and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. Makoto, as much as pain as she was feeling too, knew it was nothing compared to how her blonde friend was feeling right now. Sure, she thought Mamoru was a jerk for hurting Usagi, but he didn't deserve this. No one did. "Usagi-chan... it's alright. Think positively!"  
  
"I'm scared, Mako-chan... what if... he... all because of me..."  
  
"No, Usagi-chan, it's not your fault!" She argued. "It was an accident! It was no one's fault..."  
  
"It's my fault... if I hadn't run across that street... I should have waited, I... I'm so..." She threw her head into her hands, unable to stop the tears. "I'm sorry Mamo-chan, I'm sorry... please... don't..." Makoto wrapped her arms around the blond, and held her close to her, slowly rocking her. "Mako-chan, I can't live without him..."  
  
"Don't worry Usagi-chan, I'm sure it'll all be fine... Mamoru will wake up, and you two will be together. Everything will be alright, okay?"   
  
The words of her brunette friend slowly comforted her. Usagi was glad to have such friends at a time like this.   
  
Suddenly, the doctor approached. Usagi's eyes widened, as she pulled away from Makoto, straightening her uniform, staring at the doctor with hope in her eyes.  
  
Which faded, when she saw the disappointment and remorse in his.  
  
"No...." She whispered, slowly bringing a hand to her mouth. "God... no..."  
  
Makoto's eyes widened, and looked at the doctor. "It can't be...!!"  
  
"I'm sorry to say... but... your friend is dead."  
  
***  
  
Mamoru panicked. He began to touch his arms, legs, body, making sure he felt something. "I can't be dead!" He told her. "I can feel myself..." He pinched his skin and flinched. "I can feel pain. I can see you. I can do all these things. How can I be dead?! I can't be dead!"   
  
Minako-guide grimaced, and frowned. "Mamoru-san, I'm sorry... but you died. You died, saving her. If you hadn't pushed her out of the way, I'd be talking to her, not you."  
  
Mamoru's heart stopped racing, as he took in her words. His life for hers? As much as the thought of being dead sucked, if it were Usagi in his position, that would hurt him even more. He nodded, trying to let the fact that he was dead sink in.

Minako-Guide smiled. "I guess in some sort of twisted way, you're happy about being dead."  
  
"Happy isn't quite the word I'm looking for," Mamoru muttered.  
  
"Relieved, at least."  
  
"It sucks being dead, but.. at least Usagi is fine. If that's true, then I'm fine with being dead. As long as she's alright." He clenched his fists, and sighed. "I've hurt her so many times... I just hope she's happy... or at least, one day she'll be happy."  
  
Minako-Guide twirled around and began to wave her hand across her face, trying to bite back the tears. 

"Minako? What's wrong?" Mamoru asked. She was crying?

"You guys are like Romeo and Juliet. Except, Romeo wasn't confused whether he loved Juliet... and it's not like anyone was preventing you guys to be together... plus, you guys didn't really commit suicide... on second thought, you guys aren't like Romeo and Juliet at all--"  
  
He grimaced. This guide was exactly like Minako! Borrowing her form must have also included personality. "Minako, if you have a point, please bring it up. Otherwise, if you don't mind, I'll be basking in my wonderful gift of darkness that the glorious gift the 'PTB' sent me." He complained, adding airquotes and turning his back towards her.  
  
"Fine fine." She glared at his backside. "Never thought you'd be so impatient." She muttered, straightening her skirt. "Like I said, the powers up there saw what you did for Usagi. Although they can't bring you back, they can put your soul to a rest. And Endymion's."   
  
He scoffed. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"Your soul is incredibly confused. The presense of Endymion's soul isn't quite helping it either. So, I'm here to help put your soul's confusion to a rest."  
  
His eyes widened. Was what she saying true? Deep down, he knew it was. "And just how will you do that?"  
  
"I'll bring you to a different reality. A place where you are only Chiba Mamoru. No previous life as Prince Endymion, no alter persona Tuxedo Kamen. You still got into a car accident, grew up in an orphanage, but you were not visited by Princess Serenity. This is as normal as your life can get. I'm sure you've imagined this at some point of time."  
  
He scoffed again, while at the same time, realizing the truth. He did dream of having a normal life. Well, as normal as it could get. What it'd be like to wake up normally, instead of being tormented by constant nightmares? Not having to risk his life every night, saving the world from evil? What would it be like...  
  
...without meeting Usagi?  
  
"What about Usako...?" He asked.  
  
"She will have that normal life she's wished for. She didn't meet the senshi. She was never Princess Serenity, nor Sailormoon. She was plain, normal, average, Tsukino Usagi."  
  
"And what good will this do?" He wondered why he asked, for he knew what she was going to say.  
  
"To answer the age old question: Would you have fallen in love with Usagi if she was just Usagi?" Minako-Guide turned around, held up her hands, as a white door appeared before them. "Here's your chance to find out. Are you gonna take it?"  
  
Mamoru hesitated. Here was his chance to find out. Was he in love with Usagi, or the fact that she was Princess Serenity? What good would this do him? He knew he was scared. Scared to find out the truth. Scared to see if he was living a lie... scared...  
  
...of being alone...

He remembered Rei's words. He wasn't a little boy anymore. He had to face his fears. He needed to find out the truth. 

For Usako. 

And for himself.

He took a step forward. "I'll take it."  
  
Minako-Guide looked back at him one more time. "You know, after seeing this, we can't bring you back. You'll have to spend the rest of your unlife either feeling guilt for hurting a poor girl, or knowing that you were in love with her, and wanting to fix your mistakes, but realize there's nothing you can do about it. Do you think you'd be able to do that, Mamoru?"  
  
He hesitated.

**You're one of the strongest men I've ever met, Mamoru. **

He nodded. "Show me the way."


	8. Chapter 7

**Love me for who I am**  
Written by: Neeko  
(tanpopo_nyo@hotmail.com)  
  
_Notes_: Waah, 10 months, and I've finally added the next chapter. Whee! I think one more will be after this, and you finally get your conclusion! (That is, if I can figure out how I'm going to end it...) This chapter is basically an Alternate Reality kind of chapter, so some scenes are original, and some I've added in for pure fluff. ^^ It's a long one! Gotta make up for 10 months... Enjoy!

***  
Chapter 7  
*** 

buzz, buzz, buzz

"Mph..."

buzz, buzz, buzz

"..."

buzz, buzz, bu--

A firm hand slammed down on the ringing alarm clock, silencing the alarm. The owner of the hand, however, continued to sleep. 

Little did he know, the hand had slammed itself onto the snooze button.

10 minutes later...

Buzz, buzz, buzz

"Damnit..." One lazy eye propped open, as he stared lazilly at the clock, that read 7:30am. Why did he have to wake up so early?

'Oh, right, school.' 

Muttering a few curses, Chiba Mamoru got up from his warm bed, to start the new day. 

***

Sitting in the bus, Mamoru brought a muffin to his mouth, and began to eat while reading a book. 'Ore wa, Chiba Mamoru desu. I'm 17 years old and currently attend Moto Abazu High School, junior year.' He looked up to see a girl looking at him, and quickly turned away with a blush on his face. He smiled. 'I currently live in an appartment by myself. My parents died in a car crash when I was 6. I have no memory of them, or anything before the crash.' 

The girl shyly smiled at him, and he smiled back. 'I want to be a doctor. I hope to attend Harvard in the U.S.' 

The bus stopped in front of his school, and Mamoru got up to get off. He stepped off the bus, and looked up at his school. 'Moto Abazu is one of the most elite schools in Japan, and very hard to get into. I had to work very hard to get into this school, considering the past that I had. I had to put it aside, to move on with my future.' 

After school, Mamoru made his way towards the place he always went after school. 'One of my good friends, Furuhata Motoki, owns a place called The Crown Arcade. I come here often, to visit, and for the coffee.' Stepping through the automatic doors, he looked up at his friend who was at the counter, taking orders. "Yo, Motoki-kun!" 

The golden haired man looked up, and smiled. "Mamoru-kun! Black Coffee, ne?"

Mamoru chuckled, as he took a seat. "You know me too well. Could you pass the paper?"

"Well, it's not that hard when you order the same thing everytime." Motoki joked, as he passed him the newspaper. "Anything interesting? Haven't been able to look at it today."

Pretending that he didn't hear that previous comment, Mamoru scanned through the front page. 'Nothing much has been happening in Juuban, except for the occasional burglaries.' "Huh. Look at that. Another burglar attack at OSA-P. What is that, the 10th one this month?"

Motoki shrugged. "Feel sorry for those people who own it, that's for sure." 

"Huh." 

"So how was school?"

"Good. Not too bad, a little on the boring side."

"So... doing anything today?" 

Mamoru looked up from the paper, and noticed Motoki had a somewhat of a mischievous smile on his face. "What's with that grin? You didn't..." Motoki looked away, knowing he had been caught. "You did! Damnit Motoki, I told you, I'm not interested!" 

"No, you're misunderstanding. I just want to introduce you two. She's one of my frequent customers, and a great person that I want you to meet! Just to be friends, of course." He added. Mamoru rolled his eyes and shook his head. "She'll be coming sometime after school time ends. She's just like you! Comes in here after school, all the time."

"Maybe she's got a crush on you." Mamoru teased. "But, as much as I'd love to stay and meet this Wonderwoman, I have to go to the library." He lied. 'For the longest time, Motoki's been trying to set me up with all these girls. Wasn't interested in any of them, and I eventually got sick of being paired up with random people, that I told him to stop, but the guy just doesn't know when to give up.' "See you later, Motoki."

"You're hopeless, Mamoru." 

Mamoru rolled his eyes, and turned around to leave. Exiting through the automatic doors, he turned to the left and began to walk home. 'Great, now I gotta find something to do...'

Suddenly, a piece of paper landed on his head. "Itai!" Mumbling a few curses, he picked up the crumbled paper from his head, and rubbed it. Who could have thrown a paper ball so hard? He opened it, and his eyes widened. A big fat red mark of 30%. Mamoru grimaced greatly. He turned around, to see the person who threw the paper. 

A girl, looked around 14 or 15, long golden hair hanging from two buns, in her school uniform, with the most embaressed look on her face.

He smiled. This girl was cute, but a 30%?! On such a basic exam?

Placing on his best poker face, "That hurt, you lumphead. Were you trying to give me a lump head like you?" 

The look on her face was priceless. All the blood rushed to her face, as she turned red as a tomato. Eyes narrowing, she tugged on her pigtails. "They're not lumps! They're called 'Odango!' O-Dan-Go!"

Ignoring that, he shook his head, as he tossed the paper ball at her. "30 points. Study harder, odango atama." 

The girl pulled down an eyelid and stuck her tongue out. "Beeedah! Mind your own business, jerk!" And with that, she turned on her heals and walked towards the direction he was leaving from. 

A smile formed on his face. He kept walking the other way, while chuckling to himself. 'She's cute. Not so bright, though.' 

***   
**A few days later...  
*****

_Shwhoom._

The automatic doors to the Crown Arcade opened, as Mamoru stepped through. He looked at the counter, and frowned when he didn't see Motoki there. Walking towards the counter, he was a bit relieved to see his younger sister, Unazuki. "Oi, Unazuki-chan!"

The red haired girl turned around, and smiled. "Mamoru-san! Black Coffee, ne?" 

His eyes fell. "Am I that predictable?"

She giggled, and began to prepare his coffee. "I can read you like a book."

"Is Motoki-kun comin' in yet?" 

"Hai, hai. He had an exam earlier so he should be coming in in a few minutes. I'm sure you can survive a few minutes without him!" She went up close to him, and smirked. Mamoru, who was highly amused, brought his hand up and flicked her on the nose. "Ita! Mou, hidoi ne!" She began to pat her nose. "You're so mean to girls, Mamoru-san..." 

"Just you, Unazuki-chan, just you." 

She stuck her tongue out. "Why you!"

"Ahem!"

Just as she was about to attack, they both turned their heads towards a young girl, waiting for her order. Unazuki flushed red, and bowed. "Gomen nasai! I didn't mean to keep you waiting. What would you like?" 

The girl smiled. "Chocolate Sundae, please!" 

"Coming right up!" Unazuki left in a flash, as the girl sat on the seat at the counter.

Mamoru looked at the girl, and raised an eyebrow. "Ne.. you look familiar to me. Have we met?" He looked at her from top to bottom. He studied her face, which showed she recognized him, and was hoping he didn't remember.

"No, sorry, haven't met." She quickly replied, avoiding eye contact.

Mamoru rested his cheek in his hand, as he looked at her. "Are you sure? You REALLY look familiar. Say, is your name Odango Atama?" 

Oh, that got her. 

The girl flushed red as well, and glared at him. "I am NOT Odango Atama. My name is Usagi. U-SA-GI!"

"Bunny? Naw, that doesn't fit you. I like Odango Atama a lot better." With that, he turned around and began to drink his coffee. He could feel the ice cold glare Usagi was giving him, and he chuckled inside. 

"Jerk." She muttered. 

Moments later, Unazuki came in, sundae in hand, and handed it to Usagi. "Here you go. Sorry about the wait. Had to deal with some riff raff." 

Mamoru raised an eyebrow. "Riff raff?"

Usagi and Unazuki nodded their heads at the same time. "Riff raff."

Mamoru flicked Usagi's ear, without turning around. "I wasn't asking YOU, Odango Atama." 

"Well it's true!!!" 

Unazuki placed a finger on her chin. "You guys know each other?" 

Usagi began to shake her head violently and pointed at him. "Him?! No way! Just some jerk who I ran into a few days ago." 

"Ahh, sou? Mamoru-san can be such a jerk sometimes. But y'know..." Unazuki leaned in towards Usagi, and began whispering something into her ear. 

Mamoru grimaced. "Oi, I'm right here..."

Suddenly, Usagi began to burst out laughing, almost knocking over her milkshake. This made Mamoru very uneasy. What did Unazuki tell him?! "Oi, baka, what did you tell her?" 

Unazuki, recovered from her laughing as well, held out her finger and shook it. "Nope, I answer only to Unazuki." 

"Unazuki, what'd you tell her!" 

She glanced towards Usagi's direction, and smiled. Usagi develishly grinned, and turned away from Mamoru. "Snoopy boxers, eh?" 

Now it was Mamoru's turn to flush red. He didn't comment to that, but his expression was good enough for them. Usagi and Unazuki gave each other a high five, and began to giggle like innocent girls. He scoffed. "Women." 

Usagi held out her hand towards Unazuki. "I'm Tsukino Usagi. You?"

Unazuki held out her hand and shook it. "Furuhara Unazuki. My brother owns this place!" 

"Masaka!!! You're the sister of Motoki-oniisan?"

"Hai!"

"Kyaaaa!" Usagi squealed. "He's SOOO cute!! So lucky!" 

Unazuki laughed, and patted Usagi on the head. "Kawaii! So, is that why you come in here all the time?"

"Of course!" She giggled. "And, the new video games, of course!" She added in. 

'So, this girl had a crush on Motoki? Hm.' He wasn't jealous. No, not at all. There wasn't a bit of jealousy rumbling at the bottom of his stomach. Nope, none. Nadda. Badoom. Nope. None. Nadda. 

"Aww, Mamoru-san is all silent. Are you jealous that Usagi-chan likes Motoki-niichan and not you?" Unazuki teased, surprised to see both of them turn red. 

"Jealous? Why would I be jealous?!! Like I'd want that Odango Atama to like me."

"Like this Odango Atama would like YOU!"

Mamoru laughed. "You just called yourself Odango Atama! So you ARE an Odango Atama!" 

"Mouu, you're so mean, Mamoru no BAKA!" 

"Motoki-niichan!" Unazuki called. Both Usagi and Mamoru turned around, to see Motoki, standing there behind them, in his school uniform. Usagi blushed, and whispered Kakoii...

"Sorry about being late. The exam took longer than I thought." Motoki sighed and patted his head. "Ol' Motoki did so bad on that test!" 

Usagi smiled. "I'm sure you did great, Motoki-oniisan!" 

Mamoru chuckled. "Well, THAT wasn't obvious--Ita!!" Usagi glared, and smacked him on the head. 

"Hey, you two know each other already?"

"No!" They both exclaimed. 

"Mamoru-kun, this is the girl I wanted to introduce you to." 

"Ehhhh?!" THIS was the girl Motoki wanted to introduce him to so badly?! "Sorry to burst your bubble, but I already met Odango Atama." 

"U-SA-GI!"

"O-dan-Go." 

"U-SA-GI!"

Motoki sighed. "Chiba Mamoru, this is Tsukino Usagi. Tsukino Usagi, this is Chiba Mamoru." He said, but he knew that neither of them heard him at all. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to introduce these two...

***  
Two weeks Later...  
***

Mamoru glanced outside the Crown Arcade, and frowned. It was getting dark already.

Motoki had asked him to fill in for him that night, because he had an important date with his girlfriend, and Unazuki had to study for an exam, so that left him to take care of the arcade. It was already 9PM, half an hour before closing time, and it was completely dead. No one walked in for an hour. 'Probably had important exams to do, as well. Or the games here suck. Wish they'd bring in some fun games..'

He was surprised not to see Odango Atama come in. All day. At all. 

That didn't upset him at all. Nope. Nadda.

He rested his head in his hand. For the past two weeks, they had met everyday here, and bickered like there was no tomorrow. He didn't know why he like teasing her. She was a little annoying, and very childish, but she was also really cute, and seeing that flushed and embaressed face was worth all the mean comments she said. He smiled, remembering the time where she got so embaressed she turned SO red. So adorable! He just wanted to hug her, right there.

Scratch that last one. "What am I thinking? Hugging her? Yeah right." He shook his head. Get back to cleaning. Clean clean clean...

Shwoom.

He went to the back to pick up some cleaning supplies, when the doors of the arcade opened, and Mamoru immediately turned his head. 'A customer! Finally!' 

"Motoki-niisan?" Shhniff. 

He recognized that voice. Usagi?

Usagi walked slowly up to the counter. The lights were on, the games were on, but no one was here? "Motoki-niisan?" Sniff sniff. "Are you here? Unazuki-chan?" She turned around, when she heard someone come from the back. "Niisan?"

Mamoru stepped out of the back, and shook his head. "Sorry, it's only me." He grimaced at the disappointment on her face. Did she really like Motoki THAT much? He watched as she began to rub her eyes, but before she turned away, something caught his eye, and made him get filled with concern. 

It had been raining hard outside, and she was soaked to the bone. Her face was covered with water, but he knew it wasn't from the rain. Her eyes had been puffy and red, and he knew she had to be crying.

His heart broke. Why was she crying? Who made her cry? 

She turned around, and placed on the fakest smile she could do. "Ahh, I was looking for Motoki or Unazuki, but guess they're not here..." Mamoru walked past the counter, and walked towards her. Her face filled with alarm, and she turned around. "Guess I'll go now! Ja, Mamoru-baka." But before she could go any furthur, Mamoru grabbed her wrist. 

"What happened, Usagi?" 

Her eyes widened. "You called me by my first name..." She sniffed.

"What happened, Usagi?" He repeated himself. 

She took a few seconds to let the sound of her name sink in. Sniffling, she rubbed her eyes again. "N-nothing.. I'm gonna go home now, okay?" She pulled out of his grasp, and began to leave, but he grabbed her wrist again.

"Usagi, you're soaked. I'm not letting you go out there. You'll get sick. Come on, there's a dryer in the back." 

"Why... are you being so nice?" 

He sighed. "I don't like seeing girls cry. Now come on." 

Usagi's eyes widened. 'Damn.. he could tell I was crying. So why isn't he making fun of me?' 

Instead of wondering why, she turned around and followed him. 

**

He lead her towards the back, and towards the laundry room. Taking off his apron, he set it aside, and bent down to open the dryer door. "Just put your clothes in here, and press start. Should be dry in about half an hour." He looked up at Usagi, who was looking down, hands behind her back. "Umm, until then you can wear my uniform shirt." He got up, and walked towards the chair with his uniform layed out. He had to change into the Crown Arcade, so he left his uniform in the back. He picked up the white button up shirt, and handed it to her. "Might be a little big. Oh!" He picked up the grey trousers, and handed it to her. "Sorry if they don't fit, but they're better than nothing, ne?" 

She didn't reply. Instead she nodded. Mamoru placed the pieces of clothing on the chair, and smiled. "I'll be outside if you need me." 

Usagi nodded again. He stepped past her, and walked outside. 

Closing the door behind him, he sighed. What happened to her? Never had he seen her so sad. It hurt him a lot, for some reason. Everytime he had seen her, she'd always been happy, until he spoke to her, which was when she'd become angered and annoyed. Never was she sad, not like this. Her eyes looked like she had been crying, a lot. 

Why had she come to Motoki? Didn't she have any closer friends she could run to? 

He took a seat at a nearby couch, and sighed. He wished there was something he could do, but if she wasn't willing to talk, then there was nothing he could do, but be here for her, right now. 

Minutes later, the door in the back opened, and Usagi stepped outside. The white blouse was large enough to cover her neck to the middle of her knees. She also wore the grey jacket, which hung very loosely on her body. She had taken her hair down, as it trailed behind her, like a wet blanket. Her eyes were still red and puffy. "The.. um.. pants were too big..." She spoke. 

He smiled. "That's okay. At least the shirt was big enough." 

She nodded, and stood there, leaning against the wall. Mamoru sat there, looking away.

Minutes passed of complete silence. 

"You can sit here, if you want. I'm not gonna bite." Mamoru finally spoke. He could see her mentally deciding whether it was a good idea or not. Finally, she gave in, and nodded. Walking towards him, she took the seat closest to the other side. "So, what were you doing outside so late? Especially in this weather?"

She remained silent. He frowned. She couldn't even look at him?

"So, how close are you and Motoki? He's a great guy. One of the greatest people that I know." 'He'd be doing a lot better than I am right now.' He stole a glance at her. She was still looking away. 

Mamoru gave up. If she didn't want to speak, there was no point forcing her to. 

"Well, I'm going to go into the back and check on some stuff before I close down. If you need me, I'll be in there." He looked at her, and she nodded. Mamoru got up from his seat, and walked towards the back room, and began to tidy up random things. Curiosity clawed at him from the inside. What had happened to her? How he wish he knew. He could cheer her up, and finally put a smile on that sad face. He'd hold her, and tell her--

'Hold her? What are you thinking?!'

"There was this guy." Mamoru turned around at the voice, and was surprised to see Usagi in the doorway. She stepped in, and closed the door behind her. "I thought he was so cool. Gorgeous, great guy, and every girl in the school liked him." 

He frowned. Guy troubles? Is that what this was about? 

Usagi took a seat in a nearby couch, and Mamoru soon followed. He looked at her, but she stared down at her hands. "He asked me out. He asked _me_ out. Usagi. Tsukino Usagi. Ditzy, clumsy, Tsukino Usagi. I thought it was too good to be true, but no, I had to believe that he liked me. That someone so wonderful had a place in his heart for ME. I felt so special.

"Then, we went out for a while. Just a few dates. Just when I thought things were going great, he breaks up with me. I was so heart broken. But, if it had to happen, it happened. I walked away with a smile."

She could feel the tears coming. "Then, after the game, I went to look for him, and congradulate him on a great game, I saw him, with another girl." A tear escaped her, and fell onto her hand. Mamoru noticed this and grabbed a tissue. He handed it to her, and she declined. "I listened to him speak to her. She asked, 'What happened to that Tsukino girl you were going out with?' And he said, 'Oh, that girl. I dumped her a few days ago. Boring.' The girl asked, 'Why did you go out with her, then?' And he replied, 'The guys told me she had a crush on me, so the guys made a bet to see if I could get her to put out. She didn't for a while, so I thought, pfft, forget that.'"

Mamoru suddenly filled with anger. The nerve of that guy. To play with her emotions like that! All of them. Horrible. If they could see her now, the damage they'd done. They'd take one last glance at her, before he would kick the crap out of them. 

"I'm so stupid. Thinking that a great guy like him would like me. I was just a contest. A game. And he lost, so he threw me away, like a used toy." Usagi was trying her hardest not to break down. But it wasn't working. "Why am I telling you this? You'll probably just make fun of me, like all the girls did..." She covered her face with her hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to.. break down like this... I'm so weak... No wonder.. no wonder he just got rid of me like that... I'm worthless." She stood up and began to walk away. 

That did it. He didn't care what it meant when he would do it, or what would happen after, but he did it. He got up and pulled Usagi towards him, and wrapped his arms around her. He could her her gasp, from shock, from excitement, as he held her close. "Listen, you're NOT worthless. This guy was a jerk. He was an idiot. He had you, and let you go. He's the most stupid person I've ever heard of. To have such a wonderful person in their life, and throw it all away over a stupid reason. He didn't deserve you at all."

He stopped. Why was he saying things like this? He didn't care. All he wanted to do was make her smile again. 

"There'll be a guy out there, who will treat you like you deserve. Who will be sweet to you. He'll listen to you cry, he'll hold you close, until you can smile again. He'll be there for you when you're down, and make you feel better when you're sick, and he'll be the greatest guy to you, and make you feel like a princess. You're not weak, Usagi. I've only known you for a while, and even I noticed how much of a strong, beautiful, and wonderful girl you are.

"So don't cry. Don't waste your tears on that jerk. He doesn't deserve a single one of them. You don't deserve a person like that. You deserve a guy who'll treat you like you're everything to him. You deserve all the happiness you can get. So don't cry." 

Usagi slowly wrapped her arms around him, and pulled herself closer to him. She still cried, into his shirt. Everything he said was so sweet. Every single word replayed in her mind. Why was he saying this? Was he going to make fun of her right after? Why didn't he make fun of her? 'Why is my heart beating so fast?' She could hear his through his chest. His heart was beating as fast as hers was. 

He frowned, as he felt her still cry. "He really meant that much to you?" 

"No. I'm not crying because of that anymore. They're tears of joy." 

Mamoru smiled, and held her tighter. "Then cry, all you want."

***

Mamoru pressed the stop button on the dryer. Opening the door, he reached in and touched her skirt. "Your clothes are dry now."

She smiled. "Arigato, Mamoru-san.." 

His heart almost stopped at her smile. "Just because you called me Mamoru-san, doesn't mean I won't stop calling you Odango Atama." He teased. Usagi folded her arms, and glared at him.

"But you were calling me Usagi back there. Call me Usagi!" 

He looked up at her. "You really want me to call you Usagi?"

She nodded. 

"Well, that's not gonna happen. I'm going to call you Odango Atama forever!" 

"Hidoi!" She cried, sticking her tongue out. Mamoru laughed. It was great to see her smile again. To see her laugh, and get annoyed at his daily teasings. He loved seeing it, hearing it, and knowing she was feeling better. 

Then it hit him. 

He found out the answer. 

The answer to why he teased her, why he held her, and why he spoke those words to her.

He had fallen in love with Tsukino Usagi. 

***

Usagi hung up the phone, and turned around to face him. "My mom's coming to pick me up. Normally I'd just walk home, but I think it's still raining." 

Mamoru nodded, drinking his coffee. "I could have given you a ride." 

She shook her head. "You've done enough for me, Mamoru-san." She smiled. 

"No problem." He replied. 

There was complete silent for a while. Mamoru didn't know what he should say to her. What could he say to her now? Right after he realized his feelings for her. The way he looked at her was completely different. 

Usagi raised an eyebrow. "What?" 

"Hmm?" He shook out of his trance. 

"You were looking at me.. differently. Like you realized something." 

He didn't reply to that. Instead, he took a sip of his coffee. 

"Mamoru-san..." Usagi asked. "Why.. why did you say those things to me? I thought you would just make fun of me, but instead, you made me feel so much better. Why?" She looked up at him, her eyes searching for the truth in his. He looked back at her, and sighed. Could he really tell her the truth? He didn't even know how she felt... would it scare her if she told her? Would it make her happy? Would it..

"Usagi," He saw the surprised look in her face. "The reason why was..." 

Suddenly, a ring tone rang through the room. Usagi jumped, and shook her head. "Sorry..." Picking up the phone, she replied, "Moshi moshi? ...oh, Mama? Okay, I'll come out now." Closing her phone, she looked at him. "Ahh, what were you going to say?" 

He hesitated. He wanted to tell her. But he couldn't. Not now. "Nothing. Hurry, don't keep your mom waiting." 

She nodded. "I'll return these to you tomorrow. They're pretty wet from my hair," She blushed. "So I'll give it to you tomorrow, or before you have to go to school." 

He nodded back. "Sure."

"Ja, Mamoru-san! Thanks, for everything..." She smiled again, and turned around, and walked out the door. Mamoru waved and sighed.

"Bye, Usa..."

***  
A week later...  
***

"Huh, would you look at that."

"What, niichan?"

Motoki pointed. "That."

"Oh, that? Yeah, what about it?"

"Never thought they'd get a long like that." 

Unazuki and Motoki watched from the counter, as Usagi and Mamoru played against each other on the arcade games. He watched as Usagi tried her best to beat him, as well as Mamoru. When Mamoru would lose, Usagi would squeal with happiness, and tease him that she beat him. It had been like this for a while. 

Ever since a week ago, Usagi and Mamoru had been getting closer and closer. Just 6 days ago, she was returning his school uniform to him. What happened that week ago? Was it when he left Mamoru to take care of the shop? Why did they become friends all of a sudden? How come Mamoru never spoke of anything that happened?

He frowned. He really wanted to know. 

He looked up at the couple, and frowned when he saw Mamoru get up to leave. He watched as Usagi stared after him, until he was completely out of sight. Disappointment showed all over her face, as she sat back down, with a large pout on her lips. He raised an eyebrow. Was Usagi... in love with Mamoru?

He was going to find out. 

"Usagi-chan!" 

Usagi's head perked up, as she heard her name called. Motoki motioned for her to come over, and she skipped over to him. "Hai, Motoki-niisan?" 

"So, you and Mamoru-kun are becoming really good friends now?"

Usagi nodded. "Yep! He still calls me Odango Atama, but I've gotten use to it." She giggled. "Why?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just strange, because a week ago you hated his guts." 

Her face flushed, when she remembered what happened a week ago. "Yes.. I did. But it changed. He's a great guy. An awesome person." 

Motoki raised an eyebrow. 'What happened?! I thought they hated each other...' He knew he had to get it out of her, but he couldn't just ask, Hey, what happened that week ago? "Ooo, I think Usagi-chan's in looooveee!" He teased, poking her.

Usagi turned bright red. Her eyes widened, as she bapped Motoki on the head with her fist. "Baka! I don't like Mamoru-san! He's just a friend."

He rubbed his head. "Ooh, Mamoru-san now, is it? What happened to Mamoru no baka? 'Mamoru-san, I love the way you look. Mamoru-san you're so cool! Ma-mo-ru-chaaaann!!'" 

BAP. 

Motoki rubbed his head again. 

"I do NOT sound like that. And I don't like him. He's just.. a friend..." 

..right?

Sure, there were some tingly feelings when he held her. Sure, she loved it when he spoke those words to her. Sure, she loved being held by his strong, arms. Sure, she loved spending time with him, love being with him, loved getting to know him, but it's not like she LOVED him.

Right?

"Come on, tell me, tell me what happened. Something happened to you and Mamoru a week ago." He tried looking into Usagi's eyes, who was trying her best not to look at him. The red blush on her face, and the fact that she couldn't even look at him, told him the truth. Finally, Usagi caught a glance at him, and sighed. 

"Okay, but try to be quiet about it!"

So she told him. 

Motoki's eyes widened with surprised. Mamoru? Acting nice towards Usagi? Holding her? What ever happened to the guy who was too busy to be with girls? Piff, he was a hypocrite, a flamin' hypocrite. 

"So what are you going to do about it?" He asked. 

"Do about what?" Usagi asked. 

Motoki flinched. "You're kidding right?"

Usagi thought about it. "No, why?" 

She couldn't have been THIS slow! "Usagi-chan... Mamoru-kun likes you! There's no way anyone would do that type of thing if they didn't like the other person!" 

All the other times she had turned red paled in comparison to what just happened now. Her face was completely red, even her ears! She reached over and grabbed him by the lapels of his shirt, and brought his face towards her. "Did he tell you that?! Did he tell you that he liked me? Did he?!"

"No no no! It's just, blatantly obvious!" 

She frowned. "So he didn't say that he did?" 

He blinked a few times. "Are you disappointed?" 

She rougly let go of him, and looked at the ground. "No." 

"Usagi-chan.. is it possible that.. you like Mamoru-kun?"

She thought about it. Could she like him? It had only been a week since they had become friends. But there was that feeling there, at the bottom of her stomach. Ever since she met him. Her heart would beat faster everytime she saw or thought of him. But could she really like him? Could she really?

Suddenly, the automatic doors opened, and Mamoru came running in. Out of breath, it took him a few minutes to say something. "My... text.. book.. forgot.. it..." He bent over, trying to catch his breath. Motoki shook his head, and ran over towards the machines they were at before, and retreived his textbook.

Usagi studied Mamoru. His face, his hair, his eyes, his lips, his cheeks, his skin, his clothes, his fingers, his toes, his shoes, his pants.. everything about it. Everything she remembered that had happened in the past while. The fights, the teasings, the holding, the words he said to her, hanging out with him, playing the arcade games with him. 

It hit her. 

Mamoru raised an eyebrow at her. "What's wrong?" 

"Why?"

"You were looking at me.. differently. Like you realized something." 

She smiled. "I did." 

"Huh?" Usagi didn't have a chance to reply, because Motoki came in and gave the book. "Thanks, Motoki." 

"Yeesh Mamoru-kun, you never forget anything. What made it different this time?" 

He smiled, grabbed the book, and ran out. Motoki shook his head, and looked back at Usagi. 

"Yes." Usagi replied. 

Motoki looked at her. "Huh? Yes what?"

_But could she really like him? Could she really?_

"Yes. I do like Mamoru-san." 

***  
**Two Weeks Later**  
***

Mamoru muttered a few curses, as he entered the Crown Arcade. Motoki called him up to take over his shift again. Mamoru was in the middle of studying, but he knew Motoki had no one else, so he accepted. Besides, he already studied earlier in the day. He would just have to review in the morning. 

It was around 9PM, close to closing time, but someone had to close up, and clean up. 'Just like last time.' He flushed when he remembered what had happened three weeks ago. Ever since then nothing has been the same. 

'Why don't you tell her, Mamoru? Tell her you love her.' Motoki pleaded.

'I can't. I don't even know if she feels the same way! I can't face rejection, not with her...' 

Suddenly, the automatic doors opened. He turned his head towards the direction, and gasped. "Odango?" 

Usagi twirled her head around, eyes widening. "Mamoru-san? What are you doing here?"

"Motoki-kun asked me to take care of the arcade tonight."

"Weird, he asked me the exact same thing."

"He said he had no one else to ask..." They both said at the same time. It became clear what had happened. Motoki was trying to set them up! "Argh, stupid Motoki!" They both exclaimed. Usagi quickly turned away and headed towards the door.

"Guess I should go then, since we already got you!" 

"No!" He quickly pleaded. "Stay. It's kinda lonely here, since no one comes at this time." 

Usagi clenched her fist. Could she really stay here with him? "Are you sure?" 

"Quite. Come on, you're here already, right?"

"Yeah... okay, Mamoru-san." 

***

Both too afraid to face each other, they had went to their respective corners to clean. Mamoru took care of the arcades, while Usagi took care of the counter. Neither spoke for the longest time, since neither knew what to say. Motoki had clearly set them up, and he would clearly DIE the next day by either one of them. 

They would secretly steal glances at one another. Sometimes they'd catch each other, and then quickly look away. 

Mamoru shivered. This type of thing never happened to him before. He'd never been nervous around a girl. Not like this. 

Usagi gulped. She had never been this nervous around a guy before. This silence was too hard to take. She had to break it. But what could she say? "Mamoru-san?" She called.

"Yeah?" 

"Umm... how was.. school?" Good save, Usagi. 

"Great. You?"

She shrugged. "It was okay. Kind of lonely. My best friend had to move schools because her mom's shop kept getting robbed, so they moved. I've got some other friends, but it's still really lonely without her." 

Mamoru nodded. "I know what it's like to be surrounded by tons of people and still feel alone." 

Usagi stopped cleaning. "What happened?"

"My parents died when I was six. Car crash. I was the only one who survivied. I couldn't remember a thing before the accident. Couldn't remember them at all. People would always surround me, trying to be friends, and I'd befriend them, but I'd always feel alone. No matter how many people surrounded me, I felt like I was the only one there." 

Usagi looked at him in awe. His parents died in a car crash? And here she was complaining that her best friend left. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You didn't do anything." He smiled back at her. "So yeah, I understand what you're going through." 

Usagi nodded. "If you don't mind talking about it, where did you grow up?" 

"Here, in Juuban. I grew up in an orphanage until I was old enough to live on my own. It's a great place. I'll show you one day." 

Usagi blushed, and ducked behind the counter to hide it. In Mamoru's house? That'd be so... crazy... she smiled. "Mamoru-san?"

"Yeah?" Usagi almost jumped. His voice sounded so close! She looked up, and saw Mamoru leaning over the counter. 

She smiled. He looked so cute. "Nothing. Come on, lets go get some ice cream. I'm craving for it!" She got up from her seat, and Mamoru chuckled. "What?"

"Like that's any news to me."

"Mouu!" She whined, punching him in the arm. "No ice cream for you, then!" 

"Come on Odango, don't be greedy!" 

***

Usagi took a seat in the lounge at the back. Legs propped up on a table, she sat back and began to eat her ice cream. Mamoru took a seat next to her, same fashion. "Mmm, ice cream, gotta love it!"

"Yeah." 

"So tell me about your school! I heard it's really elite, and only super smart people get in. Mustn't be too hard since you got in." She teased. Mamoru flicked her cheek, and returned back to his ice cream.

"It's okay, I guess. Nice people, great classes."

"The uniforms are really nice!"

He smiled. "Yeah, since you got up close and personal with one." Usagi turned red, and quickly looked away. Mamoru turned red as well, and shook his head. "No no, I didn't mean that, I meant because you wore one! Not because I--agh..." It was too late. He had made it awkward. Shaking his head, placed the ice cream down on the table. 

Usagi began to eat her ice cream at an alarming fast rate. Mamoru looked at her with concern. "You're gonna get a stomache ache because of that." But it was too late. She had finished it already, and placed the bowel on the table. Wiping her mouth with her hand, she looked around for the clock. 

"What time is it?"

He sighed. "9:30."

"We should close up soon." 

"Yes, we should."

"Hold on, there's some stuff Motoki-kun told me to do. I'll be a few minutes." Usagi nodded, as Mamoru got up and left. She let out the biggest breath. 

'This is so nerve wrecking! Why did I have to think of that moment? I must have turned SO red... oh, he probably thinks I'm an idiot!' She smacked her head with her hand. "Baka baka baka baka..."

***

15 minutes had passed, and Mamoru had not yet returned. Usagi got worried, and decided to go look for him. She turned the light on in the front, no one was there. Shutting it off, She walked down the hallway into the back, where she saw a door open with the light on. "Mamoru-san?" She called, while entering. On her way inside, she accidentally kicked something aside, and the door slammed shut behind her. 

"Don't move the--" Mamoru called.

"Eh?" She blinked, as Mamoru ran past her, hoping he'd catch the door before it closed. He jiggled the knob, and tried to open it. "Why is it locked?"

"It locks from the outside. So, we're stuck in here." 

"Locked?! Nooo!" Usagi whined and began to try to open the door. "I can't be stuck in here!" 

"Am I that bad?" He asked, half joking. 

"Of course not! But, I'm going to be in DEAD meat if I don't come home! My parents will be so worried! But then they should come looking for me, right?" 'And find me here alone with Mamoru?! My dad will kill me!' "What is this place, anyways?" 

"Inventory. Motoki wanted me to check up on a lot of things, so it took a while. Sorry if I worried you." 

"I'm sorry that I got us stuck in here." She sniffed. Mamoru smiled. He slid to the floor, and took a seat, leaning against the wall. 

"It's not that bad."

Usagi smiled. "Yeah, I guess so." She said, while sliding and sitting next to him. "I just got worried, because you didn't come back, so I thought..."

Mamoru laughed. "Odango, it was only 15 minutes." 

"Still!" She looked at him. "I was worried..." She looked away, and shivered. It was cold in here. She brought her hands to her arms and began to rub it. Mamoru saw this, and quickly took off his jacket.

"Sorry it's cold, there's no heater in this room." He wrapped his uniform jacket around her, and made sure it fit snugly around her. "There, better?" She nodded, and smiled. "We'll be okay. We locked everything, lights are all off except this one, right? Motoki will come in the morning, and he'll open this room." 

That's when Usagi skid away from Mamoru.

'A WHOLE NIGHT?! With Mamoru?!!' She blushed to her toes. 'This is not good, not good, not good... Who knows what will happen?!'

***

snore.... 

Usagi looked at the sleeping form next to her. They had decided to huddle next to each other, since it was getting rather cold. 3 hours had passed, and Mamoru had fallen asleep. They had turned the lights off earlier, but Usagi couldn't fall asleep. She looked at his sleeping face and smiled. He looked so innocent, so peaceful. His bangs had fallen onto his eyes, as he drifted off. Usagi reached out and brushed his bangs out of his way. 

She wished she could tell him how she felt. How she wanted to let him know. How she wished to yell, **Suki desu**!! to him. But she couldn't. She was too scared. Scared he didn't feel the same. 

A tear escaped her eye. She wanted to tell him. She wanted to be with him. But she was scared, too scared... 

More tears were escaping. Why was she crying? She sniffed, and rubbed her eyes. 'Don't cry now... You might...'

It was too late. Mamoru's eyes slowly opened, as he looked up at Usagi. It was too dark to see, but he could tell something was wrong. "Usa..?" 

She gasped. "You're awake?" She quickly tried to cover her eyes, and wipe the tears away. "I didn't know, I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"

He frowned. "You're crying." 

Busted. "I am? Guess so.. sorry, something got caught in my eye--" She stopped when Mamoru grabbed her wrist. She looked into his eyes, and saw he wasn't gonna buy any of her lies. She bit her lip and sniffed. 

"Tell me the truth. What's wrong?"

She gulped. She couldn't tell him. "Mamoru-san, I-" She stopped. He called her 'Usa'. Mamoru reached out, and began to wipe her tears away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cry. I was just thinking about some sad things..." 

"Well, as long as you've stopped, right?" He held open his arms, as he motioned for her to come in. Usagi blushed, and hesitated, but decided to go do it. She sat back, and leaned into him. Mamoru raised his knees up on either side of her, and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "What were you thinking of?"

She inhaled his scent. Roses. Roses and spices. "Nothing." She lied. 

"Liar." 

"It's just... what if you had a chance to tell someone something... but you were too scared that maybe they wouldn't like what you were going to say? And you're scared that they'd never talk to you again and--" She stopped when Mamoru tightened the grip around her shoulders, and rested his head on hers. "I'm talking nonsense... I'm sorry..."

"Don't be. I know exactly what you're talking about. There's something I want to tell someone.. but I'm scared, scared that they won't care about what I have to say."

Usagi's heart broke. 'He feels that way towards.. someone else?' That's when the tears started to fall even more. 

"Oh.. I'm sure whoever the lucky person is will cherish what you have to say." 'I know I would..' She tried to get away from his grasp, but he held on tight. 

"Usagi... No, Usa.." She gasped again. The name, Usa... "I've been scared for a while. Scared of rejection, scared of it all. What if the person just laughed in my face? Or what if they didn't even feel the same way, and I just screwed myself over. I thought maybe it wasn't worth it. That one moment wasn't worth the possible pain." 

He held on a bit tighter. "Then I realized, it would be." 

Usagi's tears began to increase. Why is he teling her this? Does he want to hurt her even more?! "Mamoru-san..."

"Usa... you mean a lot to me. I care a lot about you. I hate seeing you cry. It hurts me to hear you cry, and to see you sad. Everytime I see it, I want to make you feel happier. I want to hold you until you stop crying, and smile. I..."

I thought maybe it wasn't worth it. That one moment wasn't worth the possible pain.

He let go of her, and turned her around to face him. He held her face in his hands, and smiled. "I love you." 

Usagi's eyes widened, as more tears began to fall. He loved her? The person he was talking about was.. her? More tears began to fall, which made Mamoru frowned. "Is it that horrible?"

"No, of course not. They're tears of joy." She smiled, and sniffed. She threw herself into his arms, and held him close. "I love you too, Mamoru..." She looked up at him, and smiled again. 

Mamoru felt his heart jump out of his chest. She loved him back? She loved him.. he loved her... it was too good to be true. He placed his hand under her chin, and lifted her head up. "Then cry all you want..." He whispered, before leaning in and placing a kiss on her lips. 

***  
**Back to normal time...  
*****

Mamoru closed his eyes, as he finished watching his alternate reality. Minako-Guide stood beside him, as the gates disappeared, and all that was left was the darkness. "Did you find your answer?" She asked.

"Yeah. I did."

"That's great... I'm glad you know."

"But there's something I need for you to do."

"What?"

"Send me back. I need to see her. I need to see Usako." He pleaded. Minako-Guide looked at him with the most sympathetic eyes. "I don't care what price I have to pay, please, let me see her. Let me tell her what I have to tell.. she has to know. She deserves to know more than I do." 

Minako-Guide sighed. "This will cost me a lot, Mamoru... you'll owe me big time."

He nodded. "Please." 

Minako-Guide took another sigh in and nodded. "Fine. I'll send you back. For 20 minutes. Now go."

Mamoru smiled at her. "Arigato." He whispered, before disappearing.


	9. Chapter 8

**Love me for who I am**  
Written by: Neeko  
(tanpopo_nyo@hotmail.com) 

_Notes_: I was originally going to get this chapter out a lot earlier, but my silly silly (and stupid) sister had deleted it accidentally, along with the NEXT chapter that I was in the process of writing. I'm a little bit happy because the one I had originally written I was not happy with, but I'm a little peeved because I wrote so long! Sorry for the wait. 

Please do not worry when you finish reading this chapter. Have faith in good ol' Neeko. ^^

***  
Chapter 8   
***

His alternate reality was supposed to give him all the answers he needed. It was suppose to make everything crystal clear. It was suppose to make things better again. It was suppose to make him better.

But it didn't. 

There were so many other questions he needed answered. So many things he wanted to know more about. They were somewhere in his brain, in his heart, but even though he searched long and hard for them, he could never find it. He needed help. 

_"Send me back. I need to see her. I need to see Usako." _

He floated through the endless darkness. It was impossible to see where he was going, but somehow he knew where to go. Finally, he stopped, when he reached a white, shining door in front of him. Placing his hand on the doorknob, he opened it slightly and peered through.

His eyes widened with surprise when he saw Usagi, in a hospital room, crying. Clutching onto her crystal brooch, he wanted to run to her and hold her. 'This is it, go out and talk to her. Hold her in your arms and tell her everything.' But he couldn't. Not when he didn't know the answers. The alternate reality didn't tell him everything; it only told him a few things. He hesitated for a few moments, not knowing whether he'd get another chance to get back to her.

Mamoru turned around and slammed the door behind him. 'I can't do it yet. I need to know more.' And there was only one person who could do it. He had asked for so much already. Would she help him?

"Minako!" He shouted into the darkness. 

In a matter of seconds, a flash of yellow light appeared in front of him, and the familiar blonde haired guide materialized in front of him, with the most frustrated look on her face. Hands on her hips, she glared down at him. "Why the hell did you just close the door?! You know how much it took me to get that open?! " 

"Minako, I can't see her yet." 

Minako groaned a frustrated groan, and shook her head. "Why not?"

"That alternate reality. It didn't answer everything. It only answered a few questions. You have to bring me back."

"Hello?!" She raised her hand and knocked on his head a couple times. "Earth to Mamoru! I DID send you back."

Mamoru pushed her hand aside and rubbed his head. "No, I don't mean back here. I mean, back in time. Back to when I met first met Usako." He stared into her blue eyes, which reminded him so much of his Usako. She looked at him, eyes saying more then any words could say. She knew she wanted to grant it, but she couldn't. She would get into so much trouble, and--

She looked up and sighed. But somewhere deep inside her, the hope and gleam in his eyes made it worth it. 

'Okay, here are your options. A) Help Mamoru, watch him be happy, and possibly get fired by the PTB, or B) Walk away and have a job?' She was definitely considering B, but that last look she took at Mamoru's face, the A outweighed the B. Letting out one last growl of frustration, she smacked Mamoru on the head. "Okay baka, I'll let you have your wish. 10 minutes to watch your past, and 10 minutes to tell your Usako everything, BUT, if I get fired--"

"Tell them I forced you to do it." 

"Yeah, right, like they're going to believe that. I'm a higher being, how could a MERE human like you force ME to do something?!" Mamoru sweat dropped, and rubbed the back of his head as Minako continued. "This is going against the whole point of this! You're supposed to find out the truth and deal with it. You're not supposed to go back to Usagi and tell her everything!" Minako groaned, and shook her head. "This never happened with my other clients. They just sat down like good little boys and girls and--"

"I know, I should have thought about it befo--" 

Minako cut him off. "I don't get why the PTB aren't kicking my keester out for doing this. Surely they're watching, right?" She bit down on her thumbnail. "What if they've been recording me since the beginning? I'll be kicked out, fired, killed, AGH!" She yanked on her golden hair and screamed. 

"Look! Whatever they're planning to punish you with, tell them to do it on me. I don't care what happens to me after, as long as I let Usako know. She has to know. She can't live life without knowing. She deserves more. She deserves to be put at rest more than I do." Mamoru gave another puppy dog look at Minako. "Please?"

She looked at him, and sighed. "Fine fine. You're lucky you're really good looking, otherwise I would have just thrown you out!" She gave him one last glare, before snapping her fingers. Mamoru instantly disappeared from her sight. Minako sighed and hung her head. "I _really_ hope I don't get fired."

***

"Usagi-chan?"

"...."

"It's Rei. Can I come in?"

"I'd like to be alone right now." 

Rei gulped, when she saw Usagi's emotionless stare look straight at her. Never had she seen her so, empty. "Okay. But, we're all outside if you want to talk. Or cry. Or say anything you want, or not say anything at all... we're... we're just here for you, Usagi-chan. Please don't forget." She was hoping for some kind of reply after that, but Usagi gave none. She just sat in the chair, head in her hands, no doubt crying. All alone in the big hospital room. 

Knowing there was nothing she could do; Rei nodded, and left the room, silently closing the door behind her. Three heads looked up from their seats at the raven haired miko, hoping for a good answer. Rei shook her head, and took her seat next to Ami. 

"So no luck, eh?" Minako asked quietly.

"No... It's not surprising either. I find it hard enough to speak, myself." Rei replied, closing her eyes. 

"There's nothing we can do right now. We just have to let time heal her--" Ami let out a small scream when a large bang was heard. They all turned their heads towards Makoto, whose fist smashing into the wall was the culprit of the sound. Her hands shaking, eyes red from crying, she bit back the tears that wanted to fall.

"It's not fair! She fought so hard to get him back! Twice! And what happens? He dies, AGAIN! There has to be something we can do! There has to be..." 

"There isn't. This isn't like when he was killed by Queen Beryl." Ami explained. "That was a mystical energy that killed him. This was natural. Well, as natural as one can get..." 

"I don't give a shit if it's natural or not! Usagi-chan has the power to bring him back, right?! Why isn't she bringing him back?!" Makoto almost screamed at the girls.

"She knows the price to that. She used up a lot of her new powers in reviving us, and the world. If she uses it now, she'll..." Ami couldn't even finish the sentence. Mamoru being dead was too much for her to handle, but the thought of Usagi dying...?

Rei bit her lip, and placed a finger on her chin. "That never really bothered her, before. When Endymion died, Serenity killed herself. Usagi stabbed Tuxedo Kamen when he was evil, and killed herself along with it. Not that I want her to do it right now, but why isn't she doing it this time?" 

No one had an answer to that. They only stared at the door, who on the other side was a girl who would never be the same again.

***

The tears never stopped. They kept falling from her face, one after the other. She must have been crying for hours and hours, but it didn't matter to her. No matter how much she cried, it would never bring him back.

Usagi stared down at her brooch in her lap. Just a few months ago, Luna gave it to her to save everyone. She knew she had just enough power to revive Mamoru, but...

Biting her lip, she closed her eyes. 'What if he didn't want to come back? What if he likes being dead? Maybe he's happy without me being a burden on him?' Usagi cried more, even if her eyes were already worn out. "Mamo-chan..." She whispered. "Why did you save me? Why couldn't you just let me...?" She couldn't finish. The words couldn't leave her mouth. 

She wanted to bring him back. She wanted to hold him, wanted to tell him she loved him, she wanted--

...him to love her back. 

"Mamo-chan..." 

Sighing, she wiped the last tears from her face. Realizing just how thirsty she was, she cleared her throat and stood up from her seat. Turning around, she let out a shriek at the sight in front of her. Her eyes were betraying her. They were playing some kind of sick joke on her. It was a new enemy. It was... it wasn't... it can't.... 

"It can't be! You're... you're... you're not suppose to be here!!" She screamed at the figure. 

"So why am I here?" 

***

Mamoru stared at the angel in front of him. Her hair was sticking out everywhere, her blue eyes were red and puffy, her nose was bright red, and her cheeks flushed. Yet, she looked beautiful as ever. He studied the expression on her face. 'Was she happy to see me? Or was she angry?' He couldn't tell. All he knew was she was surprised as ever to see him. 'Of course you nitwit, you're dead.' 

"How... how can..." 

"Usako, I--" He took a step forward, but flinched when he took a step back. "Usako, it's me. Don't be afraid." He pleaded. 

Usagi shook her head, eyes showing her anger. "Who are you?! What kind of SICK joke is this?! You're not Mamo-chan. Mamo-chan is... he's..." She clutched her chest and closed her eyes. "...dead..." She whispered. "You can't be him... you just can't." 

Mamoru's eyes flickered as they caught something on Usagi's face. Streams of water began to fall from her eyes, down her cheeks onto the floor in front of her. Head hung, she wiped her tears away with her sleeve, yet more began to fell. Mamoru quickly rushed over towards her, and pulled her into his embrace. She didn't resist, but she still kept crying. "Usako, it is me."

He felt her arms wrap around his waist, pulling him closer. Burying her face into his shirt, she began to cry even harder. Mamoru's hand traveled up and down her back, comforting her, while placing sweet kisses on her head. "How are you doing this?" She asked. "How come I can feel you? How are you holding me like this?" 

"Does it really matter?" He asked. She shook her head. "All that matters is that I'm here, doesn't it?"

She nodded. "I'm so happy! I thought I lost you... I thought I'd never get to see you again... I thought..." 

Mamoru held her tighter, as she started to cry again. "Usako... I have so much to tell you. So many things I need to say before I leave, but all I want to do is hold you right now..." Usagi's head popped up, and stared up at him. Her face, shocked, as if someone just slapped her in the face. 

"You... you're leaving? Again?" 

His heart broke in half at the look on her face. He placed his hand on her cheek, his thumb rubbing away the tears that continued to fall. "I'm only here temporarily. I came back to tell you everything you deserve to know." He placed a kiss on her forehead, and held her tight. "Usako, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the all the pain I've caused you. I'm sorry for the heartbreak, I'm sorry for making you cry, I'm sorry for it all. I didn't want any of this to happen. I've just... I haven't been thinking clearly. Nothing really made sense. I couldn't tell what was what anymore. None of it was clear to me..." Looking down at her, he smiled. "...until now."

Usagi smiled back at him. "Mamo-chan...."

He pulled away from her, much to her surprise. Taking her wrist, he led her towards the hospital bed. Usagi propped herself on top of it, while Mamoru grabbed a nearby chair, and placed himself in front of her. Reaching for her hands, he placed it in his, and held them close to his face. Staring straight up at her, he kissed her hand before continuing. 

"You know about my dreams of Serenity. You know I've had them since I was growing up in the orphanage. You know what she asked me to do, you know it all. But what you don't know is that I fell in love with her." Mamoru paused, when he saw the slight flinch Usagi gave. "Or, at least, that's what I thought. I grew up without knowing who I was, who my parents were. I grew up without love, without knowing... what it was. So I thought, this was it. There was some kind of feeling inside of me, some warm sensation that made me think... it was love. Everything was crystal clear. I had to find the Ginzuishou for her, so I could find out who I am, so I could be... loved."

Mamoru let out a soft chuckle, and continued. "That is, until I met you. The Odango Atama who hit me in the head with a paper ball. Never will I forget that moment. The girl who pressed all my wrong buttons, who annoyed the hell out of me and the girl who I would stop what I'm doing to tease. I found myself wanting to know you more, maybe because you reminded me of her. Then, I find out, you ARE the Princess from my dreams. It confused me. Was I with you because you were Usagi? Or was I with you because you were Princess Serenity? I didn't know the answer. I didn't want to find out the answer. I was so happy being with you, and that was all that mattered to me. I didn't want to lose you. I didn't want the pain of losing someone I loved again..."

Usagi remained silent throughout everything. Mamoru tilted his head slightly at her. How did he end up with a girl like her? She just sat there, taking in every single word he said, even if it hurt her or not. Glancing at the clock, he had five more minutes. 

"Yet somewhere inside of me, I wanted to know the truth. It tried sending me messages through dreams. I would wake up every morning, with her in my arms. She called me Mamo-chan, just like you, but I called her Serenity. Every time I tried to talk about it, some part of me stopped myself. Maybe it was a defense mechanism created by my subconscious to prevent the pain? I still don't know the answer to this very day, all I know it was something inside of me. That's why I would black out, and forget everything. Pretty cowardly of me, eh? So, when you asked me if I loved you, I wasn't sure... I didn't want to lie to you. I didn't want to say yes, but I didn't want to say no. I was torn.

"So I went to Rei-chan. She was the only one I knew who could help me. I thought maybe it was some mystical force, or maybe something was wrong with me physically? She found out nothing was wrong physically, but there was some inner turmoil inside of me. She said my souls were confused."

Usagi blinked a few times. "Souls?"

"Yes. Endymion's and mine. Just like you hold Serenity's and yours. It didn't make sense. I knew I had to figure out the truth, but I couldn't do it in this world, or I would just black out, so I had to go back to my dream world and figure it out there.

"I entered my dream world, and there was Princess Serenity. It was different from what had happened before. She told me things, like, that I loved her, and not you. That the only reason I was with you was because of her. That's where I broke down. I felt so horrible, for hurting you like that. I couldn't bear the truth. Then, Rei somehow entered, and knocked some sense into me. What Serenity said made sense, but that didn't mean it was right. I had to figure it out for myself, and not let some dream tell me what was right or wrong. We woke up, and that's when you found me..." Mamoru paused when he saw the jealousy in her eyes. The sight of Mamoru kissing Rei's skin ate at her, but now that she knew the real reason to it... 

Usagi smiled. "Continue." Mamoru smiled back at her. 

"After I died," He paused again, grimacing at the feeling of being hit by the car. Shaking his head, he continued. "I think I was in limbo. It was some kind of darkness. There, I met a... I guess I could call her a guide. She was a being sent by the Powers that Be--"

Usagi raised an eyebrow. "Powers that Be?" 

"Yeah. The big hoots up there running everything. I still don't know who or what they are, but because I saved you, they gave me one last gift. To finally be put at rest. They showed me an alternate reality, where there were no Senshi, no Tuxedo Kamen, and no Princess. It was just you and I. Would I fall in love with you as Usagi? Would you fall in love with me as Mamoru? We met the same way, but the outcomes after that... it ended when I finally told you I loved you.

"After that, I was supposed to be enlightened. I was supposed to have all the answers. But I didn't. It only answered some. Even if we are the same people, the troubles and problems we encounter change us. We may be the same physically, but mentally, we're completely different. In that reality, I was more outgoing with you. I was scared, but still outgoing. Maybe it's because I wasn't haunted by Serenity? Now, I wouldn't do any of those things that I did in that reality. I would be too scared, too afraid. Do you understand? Because of the troubles of the Dark Kingdom, I've grown to be a better person. I'm stronger than I was before, I'm wiser. I couldn't become who I am right now, if it weren't for overcoming the Dark Kingdom. The alternate reality me would never experience what I'm experiencing. It's kind of the same with Serenity and Endymion. Although we may be the same physically, the events we go through change who we become. So, in a way, we are the same, but in a way, we're not.

"So, I had asked the guide to send me back. Send me back in time, to when we first met. I watched everything happen again, and felt everything again. Said every word again, I did it all again. I then realized..." He gave her a smile, and looked straight into her eyes. "I fell in love with you the moment I first met you." 

Usagi's eyes widened, as tears began to fall down her face. "You... loved me?" She whispered almost inaudibly, but Mamoru heard. He nodded. 

"I just never knew it. I remember feeling my heart beat a thousand times in one second. I remember thinking you were so beautiful. I remember thinking I wanted to know you more. I wanted to have you in my life, but I was so focused on Serenity, that I pushed away those feelings. I hid them in the depths of my heart. They were still there, just hidden, buried. At that time, everything was about Serenity, yet slowly and slowly these feelings I tried to hide kept coming back. Every time I would see you again, every spat we would have. I'd feel those same feelings when I would save Sailormoon. Some days, I would find myself even forgetting about the princess, and all I could think about was you. I don't know how I could have forgotten this, because I remember now that I couldn't stop thinking about you...

"In one of my dreams, I asked Serenity if it was possible to love two people at the same time. After this whole ordeal and after finally remembering what I felt when I first met you, and those feelings I felt afterwards, I realized that _I _ was never in love with the Princess. It was Endymion's soul inside of me, trying to awaken and trying to reach out to Serenity. It made me think that I was the one in love with her, but I never was."

Mamoru stood up, as Usagi's eyes followed him. He put his face in front of hers and lightly tapped her nose. "I, Chiba Mamoru, have always been and always will be, in love with Tsukino Usagi." 

And with that, Mamoru pulled her face towards his, and pressed his lips against hers. Caught by surprise, Usagi first remained still, as Mamoru's lips caressed hers so sweet and gently, but soon she began to kiss him back. Her warm lips touching his were sensations he had missed. Not separating from each other, Usagi stood up, and wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on her toes to decrease the difference in their height. Mamoru wrapped his arms around her waist, his fingers touching her skin between her skirt and shirt. Usagi giggled slightly at his touch. 

"Mamo-chan, I love you... I always will. I'm just so happy you feel the same..." She said, looking up at him. 

"I'm sorry it took me this long to realize it. I just wish I had realized it sooner." His eyes traveled towards the clock, and widened when he saw he had one minute left. Usagi's eyes followed his, and turned her head towards the clock. She looked back at him, and gasped. "Usako, I don't have much time left..."

"When... when do..."

He closed his eyes. "5:00AM." Mamoru looked down at her, as Usagi's face alarmed with panic. 

"No! That's one minute from now! You can't..." She was cut off when Mamoru pressed his lips onto hers again. It was fierce, full of passion, yet gentle and caring. She kissed him as much as she could, lips and tongue tasting and savoring all she could, knowing this could be the last time he'd ever do this to her. 

Running her hands through his hair, Mamoru pulled away, and began pressed soft kisses trailing along her jaw line, to her neck. Usagi moaned quietly, as his hot breath brushed against her delicate neck. "Mamo-chan..." She whispered. Never have or never will a man make her feel like this ever again. "You can't go..." She pleaded.

His mouth returned on her swollen lips. His tongue brushed against hers, as he savored her sweet taste. Pulling away from her lips, he stared at the golden goddess in front of him. Her hair, her eyes, her nose, her lips, her neck, her clothes, her legs, everything about her, he'd miss. Inside his mind and heart, he had taken a picture of her to always remember her by. His fingers brushed against her lips, as she breathed heavily. "Usako, I'll always love you. Even if you forget about me, even if you find another man--"

She shook her head and held him. "I'll never love anyone like I loved you. I'll always love you, I'll never forget about--"

"I want you to live life. Don't waste it mourning for me. Find a man whose worthy of your love, and be with him. Have kids, get married. Just remember that I'll always be here for you if you need me. I will always love you, no matter what happens. Death, nothing, will change that." She looked up at him with the most shocked face, but he stood firm by what he said. "I love you, Tsukino Usagi."

"No, I can't lose you again... I can bring you back!" She pulled away, and turned away from him, looking around the room. Running towards the bed, she grabbed her brooch and ran back towards him. "I'll bring you back, Mamo-chan, with the silver crystal. I'll bring you--"

He placed his finger on her lips and shook his head. "It will kill you. You used most of its power reviving everyone. And you can't bring me back. My death wasn't mystical." The look on her face pained Mamoru. Usagi looked as if she had just been shot. Wrapping his arms around her again, he rested his head on hers. He felt her whimper, and felt a familiar wetness on his chest, as Usagi started to weep again. 

"How can I live without you?" She asked. 

"You can. And will." Somehow, she would. It pained him that he had to leave her, but he'd rather have it this way, than have her be dead. He took one last glance at Usagi, _his_ princess. He tilted her chin up, leaned in, and placed one last kiss on her rosy lips. 

Usagi didn't close her eyes, knowing the moment she'd open them he'd be gone. She watched as he began to slowly grow transparent. The feeling of his lips began to slowly disappear. "Mamo-chan..." She whispered. He opened his eyes one last time and smiled at her one last time.

"Aishiteru." He whispered. 

Usagi's eyes widened when she began to see right through him. She held out her hand to touch his face, but it went right through him, and before she knew it, he had completely disappeared from her sight.

"Mamo-chan!!!" She screamed, trying to wrap her arms around where he had just stood, but her arms only wrapped around herself. She felt her tears fall again, as she fell on her knees and began to cry. "Mamo-chan, Mamo-chan... Mamo-chan!!" 

He was gone. He was actually gone. This time, he was really gone. Right after he told her he loved her. 'How am I supposed to live with out you, Mamo-chan? How am I supposed to wake up every morning knowing what I had, knowing what could have...' She slammed her fist on the ground and screamed. "Why did this have to happen?! Why did you have to save me?! Why couldn't you be alive right here, right in front of me, kissing me and holding me...?"

A twinkle caught the corner of her eye. Turning her head, she stared through her tears at the crystal brooch that had fallen from her hand. Grabbing it, she wiped the tears away from her eyes, and got up. 'I don't care what he said, I can bring him back! I know it!' 

She ran out of the room, past her friends who called out to her, past the doctors and nurses who told her to turn back, and past the security guard that protected the morgue. She didn't care who stepped in her way, she was going to do what she had to do. 

She reached the room where Mamoru's dead body lay. She stared down at the dead, cold body with emotionless eyes. Mamoru lay motionless, with numerous cuts and bruises all over his body. She brought a hand to her mouth. She felt like vomiting. Why did he have to die?! His light was taken away from him. A man who used to be full of love, life, who had so much in store for him, had it all taken away in a single moment.

She held out her hand, with the brooch in it. "I'll bring you back, Mamo-chan. I promise." Closing her eyes, she chanted, "Moon Crystal Power, Make up!!" She waited for the cleansing light of the Ginzuishou to shine upon his body and bring his soul back. She waited, and waited, and waited...

...Yet nothing came.

"Moon Crystal Power, Make up!"

...

"Moon Crystal Power, Make up!"

Nothing happened.

"Moon Crystal Power, Moon Crystal Power... Moon CRYSTAL POWER!!" She desperately cried to the crystal, but nothing happened. Carelessly dropping the crystal, she brought her hands to her eyes as she began to cry again and fell to the floor on her knees. Her whole world shattered again.

Mamoru was right. 

She couldn't bring him back. Ever. 

Usagi closed her eyes, her whole world sucked into a blanket of darkness, and she fell to the floor unconscious.


	10. Chapter 9

**Love me for who I am**  
Written by: Neeko  
(tanpopo_nyo@hotmail.com)  
  
Well, this is it. After a year +a few months, it's finished. I'd like to thank those who read every single page to this fanfic and left a review (or emailed me) with comments, suggestions and questions, because it helps me grow into a better writer, so thank you all. Even if you didn't leave a review, but you read this fanfic and enjoyed it, well, I thank you for taking the time out of your schedule to read it. 

There were many ways I was thinking of ending this fanfic. I was considering going down the angsty path, or the happy ending path, and I think the choice I chose was right. Or not, heh. I might do an alternate ending if I have time. What's after this? I'm going to pick up my old fanfics, You're my...What?! and It Might Be You and finally finish them. I'll be re-writing my old fanfic, Prisoner of his Heart, so look for those sometime soon! Thank you all again for reading this fanfic and I hope you enjoy the final conclusion to "Love me for who I am."

***  
Chapter 9  
***

Every single hair was standing up on it's ends on her body. Never in her life had she been so nervous, scared, or frightened. Her teeth bit away at her tender thumbnail, as Minako-Guide paced back and forth. 

She had been called to the Powers That Be's office shortly after sending Mamoru to Usagi. The messenger had said, and I quote, "Sucks to be you," and disappeared before Minako-Guide could ask why. Clenching her fist, she slammed it to the palm of her other hand. 'Why did you have to listen to that guy?' She asked herself. 'Sure, he's charming and cute, but come on, you know better than that!' It wasn't just because Mamoru was cute, but it was also because it felt like the right thing to do, was the reason why she did it. It went against everything the Powers had told her NOT to do, but she did it. Sometimes following orders can be the wrong thing to do. 

Still, actions always have consequences. And she was about to face hers. 

The gentle and soft waiting music was slowly driving her crazy. 'Why do they even play this stupid music?! It doesn't calm you down. Do I look calm do you? DO I?!' She screamed to herself. 'This is not good, not good! They're gonna fire me! Worse, they're gonna banish me from the higher plane. I'm going to live as a... as a...' She gulped. '...human?! No! They can't do that to me! I'm the best damn guide they've ever had!!'

Suddenly, the door opened slightly. Minako-Guide twirled her head to see a bald head sticking itself through the crack. "Are you #134?" He asked. 

"H-h-hai..." Since Guide's were able to take the form of any person they want, giving them a name would be somewhat pointless, so they assigned numbers. The man looked at her top to bottom and shook his head. "What?"

"Such a pretty form. Too bad you'll never be able to use it again." Minako-Guide's eyes narrowed at the short bald man as he opened the large, wooden door. "They're ready to see you. Good luck, you'll REALLY need it." 

Muttering a few curses, she stomped past him, but not before giving him a view of a certain finger. 

She closed the door behind her, and slowly turned around to face the head Powers. The room was vast, and white, with a wooden table in the middle. Four people sat behind the table. Two women, two men. Minako-Guide gulped, as she looked at all four of them. The head powers. These four people were the big kahoona's responsible for running everything. They control what happened, what happens, and what will happen. Her very life was held in the palm of each of their grasps. 

"#134?" The first woman called. Her ebony curly hair made her look mean, but her big, brown eyes gave her face an innocent look to them. She motioned for Minako-Guide to step up closer. Minako-Guide swallowed the last of her fears, and slowly moved up until her legs bumped into the table. "I see you have chosen the form of the Love Goddess."

"H-hai.. I t-t-hought it was ap-p-pro.. ap-p-propriate..." Minako-Guide coughed out. Her palms were sweaty, the room seemed incredibly small, and her whole body felt like it was on fire. 

"You were recently assigned to the Chiba Mamoru case, is that right?" The first man asked. He looked the oldest. He was bald, with a white beard. His face showed wrinkles on his forehead, eyes and cheeks. Minako-Guide nodded. 

"According to this file, you were suppose to A) Help Chiba Mamoru towards enlightenment, then B) Send him to the Heavens to be put at rest. Correct?" The second woman asked. Blonde, straight hair, eyes blue as oceans, she looked nice, but from past experiences with these four, she knew this one was the mean bitchy one. Minako-Guide nodded. 

The last man, the youngest looking one of them all with his brown, gelled back hair, eyes green as the deep forest, and a smile that could easily put Mamoru's to the dust. "You, however, sent Mamoru BACK in time, then back to the present for a total of 20 minutes. This clearly goes against rule #4521 in section D. Do not disobey the instructions of the file. What do you have to say for yourself?" His eyes narrowed, voice loud and bellow, Minako screeched. 

"I-I-I..." Minako-Guide stammered, not sure of what to say. The man went from total cutie to scary freak! Tell them the truth? Make up a truth covered lie? Bolt for it? She looked at all four, and laughed uncontrollably. "Well, here's how it went! I told him, hey you, go to heaven, and he was all like, nu-uh I don't have to listen to you, then BAM he knocked me out and held me at gunpoint and forced me to send him back, and I was screaming, 'Oh please no, I can't, I can't disobey the PTB' and he was all like 'I don't care girl, I just wanna go back,' but luckily I managed to escape but not before he forced me to send him back and--" Pausing, she looked up at the four and gulped. They weren't buying any of it. 

She sighed, and clenched her fists. 'Guess I gotta tell them the truth.' "Okay, that was a lie, in case you didn't know." Taking in a large gulp of air, Minako-Guide looked them straight into the eyes. "I did what I thought was right. It wasn't fair for Tsukino Usagi to live life without knowing the truth. Especially after losing the one she loved the most." She stood tall, firm, even while knowing that probably after this, this would be her last time as Guide. The head Powers began to look at one another, and then at Minako. She knew that they could talk through brain waves, and knew that her very fate was being decided as of this very moment. 

"Look," She started. "I know what I did was wrong. I know that I shouldn't have done what I did. But sometimes, the wrong thing to do, is the right thing to do. And..." She sighed. "...I am willing to accept the consequences." 

They looked at each other again, which drove Minako-Guide insane. 'Just say what you have to say!!!' She screamed at them, but they never heard what she said. Finally, the younger man looked up at Minako-Guide and spoke. 

"#134, your disobeying of orders would normally have you banished, but the fact that you stood up for what you did and are willing to accept the consequences..." 

The black haired woman clapped her hands and exclaimed, "You passed!!" 

A tidal wave of relief slammed down on Minako-Guide's frail body, as she fell to the floor in shock. Getting back up, she slammed her hands on the table and exclaimed, "WHAT?!"

"When the Chiba Mamoru case was being questioned as to who would take care of it, we decided to pick you, since you had not yet passed the Guide test." The brown haired man explained. "The Guide test is a test that all guides must endure. It challenges your abilities to react to an emergency situation, and sees if you follow your heart at the appropriate times, instead of your brain. The fact that you disobeyed orders and sent Mamoru back in time and that you stood up for your actions shows that you listened to your heart and reacted calmly and properly in an emergency situation. Therefore, #134..." He paused, and materialized a stamp into his hand. Stamping down on a piece of paper, he smiled and looked up at Minako-Guide. "You passed. Congratulations."

Minako-Guide looked down as the paper materialized in her hands, which showed a certificate of graduation. "You mean... I've upgraded?"

The older man nodded. "Hai. You are now assigned as a Guardian. We will assign you a human from the Earth that you will watch over and protect." 

The blonde haired girl smirked. "We wanted to rile you up before you stepped in, just to see you all nervous and scared." 

Minako-Guide's eyes narrowed at her. 'Ooh, you're a feisty bitch aren't you!' 

"Yes, indeed I am." She replied. Minako-Guide covered her mouth and gasped. "Honey, we're the Powers that Be. Of COURSE we can read your mind. Now go, and call the next one in." 

Happy as she could ever be, Minako-Guide bowed and screamed a big, "Thank you!" to all four. 'Hey, whatdya know? Saving Mamoru's butt elevated me on the power ladder.' She stopped midway to the door, and twirled around. "Wait! There's something I need to ask." 

"Yes?" The older man asked.

"What's going to happen with Mamoru? You guys gonna send him up to the pearly white gates?"

The brown haired man looked at the others and shook his head. "No."

"Ehhh?! You're sending him to Lucifer?! But he didn't anything wrong! Yeah, sure he broke her heart, but that was BEFORE he--"

"It seems we have made a mistake with that one." The older man intervened. "We've made arrangements with the Soldier of Time to fix up this mess." 

Minako-Guide raised her eyebrow. "Mess? What? What's happening?"

The black haired girl coughed, and looked at the others. "Chiba Mamoru was not supposed to die at that time. A slip up in our calculations. He has much more in store for him, that if he were to die now, the whole future would be messed up and corrupted. So, we paid a visit to the Guardian of Time, and it would change too much if the past were tampered with, so she decided just to change the present." The black haired girl explained. 

Minako-Guide's eyes lit up with delight, as she clasped her hands together. "Does that mean...? Mamoru's alive?!"

They nodded. "Yes. Arrangements and preparations are being made now as we speak. Which reminds me. 134, you are to watch over Chiba Mamoru. Make sure a mistake like this doesn't happen again." 

Minako-Guide felt like running around screaming with happiness. First, Mamoru lives, and second, she gets to watch over him?! Oh, thank the Powers.. thank them! She ran up to the table and hugged and kissed every single one, before running out of the room jumping in delight. "Yatta!!" She screamed. 

The blonde haired girl wiped the sloppy kiss on her cheek and let out a groan of disgust. "Ugh. That was disgusting."

The brunette smiled, as he watched Minako-Guide leave. "I dunno, she's kind of cute. Now, send in the next one."

***

"Psst, Usagi-chan.... Usagi-chan..." 

Usagi's eyes slowly opened by the sudden rough shaking. "Na..ni?" 

"Wake up! The doctor's coming, wake up!" 

Usagi sat up, and looked at her surroundings. Sitting on a couch, she looked to her side and saw Minako, Rei, and Ami were all asleep next to her. 'I'm in the waiting room?' Usagi rubbed her head, and looked up at Makoto. "Did you bring me here from the morgue?"

Makoto gave her a puzzled face. "Morgue? What are you talking about Usagi-chan? You've been sleeping here this whole time!" 

It was Usagi's turn to give her the puzzled look. "Nani?" Sleeping here? This entire time? But... She looked up at the clock, and raised an eyebrow when it said 5:01AM. Time was still the same. She shook her head and closed her eyes. "No, I was at the morgue... I tried to bring him back, but the crystal didn't work.. it..." She bit back the tears that wanted to fall. She cried enough today. "I fell unconscious after. Did Rei-chan bring me back here?"

Makoto sweat dropped, and patted Usagi on the head. "Ahh, Usagi-chan, what are you talking about? I've been watching you this whole time. You didn't get up at all. The doctor's brought in Mamoru to the operating room and--"

Before Makoto could reply, Usagi shot up and stood face to face to the tall brunette. "What?!" Mamoru was alive?!

"Did you lose your memory while you were sleeping?" She asked. "You said Mamoru-san pushed you out of the way of a car, so the ambulance brought him here, and he was brought into the operating room. They've been operating on him for almost 6 hours, and since it was late, you fell asleep." 

Usagi couldn't believe it. He was, alive? Her Mamo-chan... alive? How was that possible? "But, he died, Mako-chan. He died! We were sitting here, and the doctor came in and said... said that he--" She stopped, when Makoto's face became more confused. 

"Usagi-chan, maybe you were having a nightmare, but I can assure you, none of that happened...." 

Usagi blinked a few times, before falling back down on the couch. 'A dream? Was it all a dream?' She clutched her brooch, which was still on her uniform. 'Maybe I was dreaming, dreaming a horrible dream... but then... those words Mamo-chan said to me? Was that a dream too?' She prayed they weren't, but the fact that he was alive.... 

She pinched herself. "Itai!" She yelped, rubbing her red skin. The sudden shriek woke up the three sleeping girls next to her. Makoto giggled, and patted Usagi on the head.

"Baka. You're not dreaming. This is the real world. Now get up! The doctor's here." 

Usagi shook her head, and looked up at the man beside her friend. It was the same doctor who told her the horrible news. But instead of the sad face he had, it was happy. Accomplished. Her eyes lit up, as the worries of the events that happened before left her. The doctor took off his glasses, and rubbed the lens with his shirt. "Tsukino-san?" 

"H-hai?" 

"The operation was a success. Chiba Mamoru is alive, and fine. He's currently resting right now, but in about half an hour you can see him." 

Usagi's eyes sparkled with fireworks, as the words, Chiba Mamoru is alive, rang through her head. Impulses taking over, she squealed with delight, and wrapped her arms around the doctor. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!" She exclaimed. The doctor laughed, as she pulled away. Turning around to her friends, she jumped on the couch on top of them, evoking screams from the schoolgirls. "Minna! He's alive! Mamo-chan's alive!!"

Although the pain surged through their bodies from being squashed by Usagi, Minako, Rei and Ami were all happy to see their Princess light up again. Rei smiled at her blonde haired friend, and hugged her back. "I'm glad, Usagi-chan."

'Maybe it was all a dream. Maybe none of the horrible things happened. No, none of it happened. He's alive. He's awake, and he's fine. The words that were told to me by him may not be true, but it doesn't matter, as long as he's alive.' Deep down, Usagi knew it did matter if he loved her or not, but she was happy and glad that her love was still alive. 

***

'Well Mamoru, you did it. You finally said goodbye. Now, to spend your eternity missing her, and wanting to be with her...' Mamoru told himself, as he floated in the endless darkness. One minute he was holding Usagi, kissing her, hugging her, and the next minute he felt himself vanishing by the second. Slowly, yet surely, he saw her and the room disappear, second by second, until he was greeted by the familiar darkness he was so accustomed to. 

"Usako..." He whispered. 

He wished he could be holding her right now. Kissing her, feeling her skin, capturing her warmth... 

...but he would never feel those feelings ever again. 

Mamoru's eye opened slightly, when a light caught his eye. A large source of light began to emit in front of him. Shielding his eyes from the brightness, a feeling of familiarity stabbed at his gut. When the light dimmed down, he squinted, and was somewhat happy to see the familiar bubbly blonde haired guide. 

"Mamoru!" 

Knowing that she was probably here to give him his punishment, Mamoru's smile began to fade, but was caught by surprise when Minako-Guide ran up to him and threw her arms around his neck, giggling in joy. "Huh? Why are you so happy to see me? Shouldn't you be telling me my punishment?" He asked. Minako-Guide looked up at him, and smiled with glee. 

"Nuh-uh! I'm here for good news!" Pulling away from him, she stood in front of him, holding her arms out. Behind her, two separate objects protruded themselves from her back and grew into two large, feathery wings. She giggled, and scratched her back. "I'm never going to get use to that feeling. But look! I have wings!" She exclaimed, while moving one at a time. 

Astonished by the sight in front of him, Mamoru brought his hands together and began to clap. "So, you're an angel now?"

"Mouuuu..." Minako-Guide cooed, while blushing. "Mamoru, I was ALWAYS an angel." She teased. "But now, I'm a _Guardian_ Angel. The PTB promoted me from Guide to Guardian! Isn't that fabulous?"

A devilish smirk found itself upon Mamoru's lips, as he rested a hand on his hip. "So instead of tormenting a poor human being once in their life, you get to torment them for their entire life?" He joked, and ducked the threatening swipe Minako-Guide took at him. "Kidding, kidding!" 

"I should be nice to you, since it's all because of you that I got these wings." Minako explained. "Which reminds me, guess who that poor human being is?" Before Mamoru could reply, Minako pointed her long finger at him millimeters away from his face. "You!!" 

Mamoru felt his blood rush away from his brain, as his face turned completely white. SHE? Was HIS guardian?!! "You're kidding me, right?! You're going to watch over me, 24/7, watch every single move I make and monitor every wrong move I make?!" Minako giggled, and grabbed his hands, moving them in an up and down motion.

"Yeah! Isn't that great?!" She asked. Wrapping her arm around his shoulder, she pulled him close to her. "I can see it now." She raised her other hand into the air. "Mamoru and Minako! Prince, and his Guardian Angel. Oooh, I smell a sitcom!!!" She squealed, and clapped her hands. "Everyone'll want us. NBC, ABC, UPN.. heck, even YTV--"

Rolling his eyes, Mamoru gently pushed himself away from Minako-Guide's death grip, and sighed. "You seem to have forgotten something. I'm dead. Besides, what do you mean it was because of me that you got your wings?" 

A little disappointed that he pulled away from her, Minako-Guide pouted before continuing. "First off, guess what? You're not dead!"

Mamoru's eyes widened with surprise. 'Not dead?!' "What are you talking about?"

"The Powers screwed up. You're not supposed to die yet. Apparently there's a lot in store for you, and your little girlfriend. SO much, that if you were to die now, the whole future would be screwed up. Heck, I'm not even sure you humans would even have a future." Minako-Guide tapped her slender finger against her chin. "I don't even know if we'd have a future. All I know is that you play a big part in the big scheme that's coming up, so we need you alive and dandy. And, because I granted your wish, I passed the Guide Test which promoted me to Guardian! Which means..." She ran up to Mamoru again, and began to mush and pinch his cheeks. "I get to watch over my witto Mamo-chan! Koochi Koochi Kooo!" 

"Wa abot Yuu Sha Ko?" Mamoru tried to ask, but his voice was changed by the screwed up formation of his lips. Minako-Guide blinked a few times. 

"Sorry, can't understand you! Speak louder witto baby!!" 

Mamoru groaned, and pushed her hands away. "What about Usako?" He asked. "Do I... if I'm alive... can I...?" 

Minako-Guide grinned with joy, and patted him on the head. "Yep. You can go back to your Usako. The Powers paid a visit to the Guardian of Time and she set a few changes her and there. The past wasn't changed, the present was, but only you and Usagi both have the memories of what happened. If we changed the past, this whole thing could have repeated itself, and we wouldn't want that now? Not that it would have happened, with your Minako-oneesama to help you!!" She exclaimed, throwing a fist into the air. 

Groaning again, Mamoru began to rub his temples. "Having an 'Oneesama' like you... What did I do to deserve that?" For that, he received a large knock on the head by Minako-Guide's fist. "Gomen, gomen..." 

"Now come. I'm going to bring you back to your Usako." She held out her slender hand, waiting for him to take it. Mamoru paused, as he stared down at the soft hand. "Well? What are you waiting for?"

He looked up at her, then back at the hand. The hand that belonged to Aino Minako. 'Does she have a real hand? Does she have a real form?' "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What's your real form? I mean... you don't always look like this, right?" The question was a question that Minako-Guide could not answer properly. It had been so long since she was in her original form, that she had forgotten what it looked like. "Don't tell me you don't know. My Oneesama is quite the forgetful one."

She sent him a death-like glare, and another bap on the head. "It's been a long time. I really don't know what my real form looks like..."

Mamoru waved his hand up and down. "Forget it. You're fine with that look. It suits you. Sometimes TOO well."

"What's THAT suppose to mean?!" She asked, threatening to bap him on the head. Mamoru shook his head.

"Nothing nothing... Oh, one more question."

"It better be good! Times'a wasting!!"

"What's your name? I don't really like calling you Minako, since there already IS a Minako out there..." 

Minako-Guide looked up and tapped her chin again. Her name? She never really had a name... it was always 134. "Well, I was always referred to as #134... so I guess I don't really have a name..." 

"How about..." He smiled at her. "Shugotenshi."

Minako-Guardian blushed at the name. "Shugotenshi? Isn't that kind of long? How about Shu-chan. Dame, dame... Shu-ONEESAMA! Now, enough of that. Let's go! " And with that, Minak--err, Shu, grabbed his hand, and flew upwards. Creating a portal with the twirl of her finger, they entered and disappeared from the dark world. 

***

"Ma...cha... Mo...n... Mamo...."

Hearing what sounded like his name, Mamoru's eyes slowly opened. The bright lights attacked his pupils, but after a while, his eyes got use to the light. The visions around him were blurs, but after time passed, things started to come in focus. He recognized the monitors around him. One monitoring his heartbeat and his vitals. The other... he squinted. 'Well, don't know what that does...'

"Mamo-chan?!" 

'That voice...'

"Usa..." He whispered so quietly, that he was surprised the person heard. He turned his head slightly to the left, and saw a tall figure hovering over him. Soon her bright yellow pigtails began to come into focus, as well as her hopeful face. He smiled at her. 

"Yokata... Mamo-chan..." Usagi cried, wiping her tears away. "I'm so happy... I thought you... I thought..." Usagi stopped talking, when her voice began to tremble. She raised her hand slowly and saw it shaking, and with that, Mamoru began to slowly sit up to hold her, but Usagi began to protest. "Dame! You just came out of surgery... you shouldn't--"

He never went through surgery. He knew that. He wasn't dizzy at all. There were no incisions. He felt perfectly fine. Pulling the nosepiece out of his nose, he looked up at Usagi and smirked. "You know that I didn't have surgery."

A confused smile. "Nani?" 

Gently pulling out the IV that was in his hand, he slowly hopped off the bed, much to Usagi's surprise. "Where are my clothes?" He asked, looking around the room. Usagi ran around the bed until she was in front of him. Pressing on his shoulders, she shook her head. 

"No. You're resting! I don't know how you managed to get up, but--"

"Usako." Usagi's eyes widened, hearing that name. She thought she'd never hear it again. She stared at him, almost in a daze. "Can you get me my clothes?" Mamoru looked around the room and frowned. "They've got to be here somewhere..." Standing up, he looked at Usagi's bewildered and confused face. "Usako, you _know_ I didn't have surgery."

"Why do you keep saying that?" Usagi asked. This was too confusing. All of that was a dream. He DID have surgery. He DIDN'T die. He's alive. "You're probably delusional. I'll go get the doctor--" Just as she was about to turn around, grabbed her wrist, and yanked her towards him. Hands now at her arms, he pulled her in and planted his lips onto hers. There was something about Mamoru Chiba and the element of surprise. 

The feel of her lips, the taste of her mouth, he could never get sick of it. Moments ago, he thought he'd never be able to taste and feel her again, but now, he'd cherish every single moment. Pulling away, he looked at her flushed face and smiled. "I'm always surprising you, eh?"

She sighed. "You literally took the words out of my mouth." 

Mamoru smiled, and then wrapped his arms around her and held her close. "I thought I had lost you forever. Again. I'm never letting you go this time. I've lost you too many times... can't ever lose you again..." Taking deep breath in, the scent of Usagi began to fill his nostrils. "Your scent, your smile, your face, your voice..." He placed another soft kiss on her lips. "I can't lose you. I never will, ever again."

Usagi sighed, basking in his warmth. The tears began to flow again. She wondered if they would ever stop. "Mamo-chan... I thought I lost you too. I had the most horrible dream... It felt _so_ real... You... I can't even say it.. "But you said some sweet words to me... and I was so happy--" She stopped. 'If it was just a dream, then what he said wasn't real... which means he doesn't love me...' Pushing against his chest to get out of his grasp, she realized just how cold it was without him. Usagi looked up at him with confused and hurt eyes. "There's something I need to ask you..."

Wondering why she pulled away, Mamoru tilted his head. "What is it?"

"Mamo..ru.." She looked up at the slight flinch Mamoru gave when she called him that. "Do... do you love me? Honestly... the last time we met, you didn't answer me and--" If everything was a dream, then she'd know the answer, but she still needed to ask. "I just need to know. I need to know so I can let you go, so I can move on withou--"

Mamoru shook his head and smirked. 'She thinks it was just a dream? I'll show her...' He pulled her back into his embrace, and wrapped his arms protectively around her small waist. "Is that it? You know the answer to that. You know the answer to everything. It wasn't a dream, Usako. It was all real. I love you, Tsukino Usagi." 

Her eyes widened like two cerulean oceans as the words ran through her mind. "You... but... it wasn't a dream?" How was that possible? "Or was it? Did that really happen? Did you really die? Did I die? Are we in heaven? Ar--" She was silenced by Mamoru's finger pressed against her lips. 

"Does it matter? I'm alive, you're alive. We're both alive. I love you, you love me, that's all that matters."

She looked at him with a puzzled look. "But, I saw you die. I felt you die... I saw your dead body."

Mamoru looked down at her with the most surprised look. 'She saw me dead?' "Usako..." He whispered, holding her tighter. "I'm sorry you had to see that..." He knew if he saw HER dead, it would scar him for the rest of his life. Poor Usagi... she's seen him die so many times. He felt the small whimpers, as Usagi continued to cry. 

"I tried to bring you back Mamo-chan, I did... but the crystal didn't work. You were right, I couldn't bring you back... but then, how are you here? How are you holding me like this?" She asked, looking up into his eyes. It seemed to real to be true. 'Please don't be a dream. Please don't let me wake up if it is...'

"I was given another chance. I wasn't supposed to die that day. Apparently they have a lot in store for me. I don't know what it is, and I don't care. Apparently they altered everyone's memories except ours. All I know is that I'm supposed to live my life... with you, my sweet princess." He whispered, and pulled her face in for another tantalizing kiss. Usagi let out a small sigh, as the feelings of his lips captured hers. 'I'll never get sick of this, ever.' Every time was a new, wondrous feeling, that would never get old. 'He's back... he's alive. What happened before happened, but somehow he was given a chance to live again.' Every moment together, Usagi would cherish. She would never let him go, ever. 

Feeling her arms wrap around his neck, Mamoru slowly slipped his tongue into her mouth. Usagi's eyes widened with excitement, but she closed them again, as the feeling of his tongue wrapped around hers sent chills throughout every single part of her body. How was it possible that a single man could make her feel like she was on fire every time she kissed him? Soon after, the kiss was no longer innocent. It began to develop into fierce, fiery, raw passion. 'More of you,' was what encouraged their movements and actions. 

This was no longer just a kiss. It was more than that.

Usagi slowly felt herself being pushed towards the hospital bed behind her. Not separating from his tantalizing lips, she adjusted herself so that when she lay down, her head was at the edge of the bed on the pillow. Mamoru followed, and hovered above her, hands on both sides of her to keep his balance, yet still kissing the daylights out of her.

He groaned into her mouth, his rebellious right hand roamed all over her petite body. Down her sides, up her face, down her front... 

"Gods, Usako..." He momentarily pulled away to stare down at her. His body was on fire, and it was all because of this beautiful girl that writhed and wiggled underneath him. Returning to his venture through her mouth, he thought that nothing could spoil this moment, nothing... 

"Psstt, Mamoru-kun!" Mamoru's eyes opened. He recognized the voice, but he prayed and hoped it wasn't who he thought it was. He looked towards the left, but the person who he saw didn't look at all familiar. "Surprised to see me? It's me, Shu! I finally found out what my true form was!"

She looked like a goddess. Her long, golden straight hair embraced her backside all the way to her hips. Eyes blue as diamonds, and face as white as snow. Her uniform, however, was still the uniform of Aino Minako. Mamoru was entranced by her beauty. 'Who would have known? She's actually quite beautiful...'

Shu grinned, and patted his head. "Ooh, Mamoru-kun, look at you! You're all growed up. Now, normally I would not allow such actions unless I saw a ring on her finger, but--" She stopped, when she saw that Mamoru had ignored her, and continued to, erm, what he was originally doing. Pouting with her rosy red lips, she flicked him at the back of his head. "Baka, listen to me! Don't come crawling to me when she's knocked up and you can't provide for her! Remember, safe sex is better than--" Mamoru rolled his eyes, grabbed the extra pillow and flung it towards Shu's direction. Knowing that it'd pass right through her, Shu stuck her tongue out. "Nya nyah baka! I'm not corporal to you, but you're corporal to ME! There's nothing you can do. I think I'll just watch you have your kissy fest with Usagi--"

His eyes opened again, as he glared as hard as he could at her.

"Or I could maybe joi--" She looked at him and saw him send her a message that said: Get. The. Fuck. Out. Shu rolled her eyes. "Yeesh. I was just kidding. That'd be like, so totally weird. We're practically brothers and sisters! I mean come on, I know I'm hot and all but--" She stopped again, when she received yet another Mamoru-death glare. "Guys are so pesty when they're horny. Fine. But remember!" She snapped her fingers, and Mamoru felt something drop into his pocket. Reaching into it with his spare hand, he almost face vaulted when he realized what it was. 

'Is this how it's gonna be Shu? Always looking out for me?' He wondered. Chuckling, he took his hand out of his pocket. 

"If you don't use it, I'll haunt you for the rest of your life!!" She screeched, and disappeared in a flash of smoke. Mamoru rolled his eyes. 

'You already do, Shu.'

Going back to what he was originally doing, Mamoru's hands continued to explore her body. Usagi began to shiver against his touch. She loved his warmth. She needed more of it. Perhaps without voluntarily knowing, she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling his body in closer towards hers. Mamoru's eyes widened at the new sudden electricity that ran through his body. The sudden closeness of certain parts of their bodies began to grow painfully obvious. Mamoru let out a groan, as his assault on her lips grew more fierce. 

Usagi blushed, as something began to jab at her stomach. "Mamo-chan..." She moaned into his lips. "Something hard is poking at me."

Mamoru eyes widened and he looked down at her and laughed. How innocent and pure she was! Which was then he realized, that this wasn't right. 'Now isn't the right time to do this...' He realized. 'It should be special, and not in a hospital bed...' Mamoru gently unwillingly unhooked her legs from his waist, and smiled down at her. "Sorry about that." 

Usagi looked up into his eyes, and smiled. 'Why is he apologizing? Was he blushing? And what WAS that poking at me?' She sighed. Bringing a hand to his face, she brushed away the bangs that touched his eyes. This was the face of the man she loved, the face of the man she'll always love. Then, before she knew it, tears began to flow yet again from her eyes. Mamoru's face filled with alarm, as he brought his hand to her face, and gently wiped the tears away. "Why are you crying? What happened?" He asked.

Usagi shook her head. "No, don't worry. They're tears of joy." Joy was an understatement of what she was feeling. She was feeling... perfect. 

Mamoru smiled deeply at her, and brought his face closer to hers. Placing another soft kiss on her lips, he whispered sweetly into her ear, "Then cry all you want."

**The END**

Final Notes: Well, that's it. I know it got a little raunchy, but I felt raunchy, so raunchiness is what you get. Aren't you happy you stuck by this long? Hehe, here's a happy ending. When I was first writing this story, I never thought I'd end it like this. I was definitely going down the angsty way, but happy endings are so much more fun to write! I was going to have Mamoru dead for real, and Usagi finds another love and the story ends with her telling this story to her kids, but, I like this ending better. ^^ 

If you were wondering, I stole the whole "Powers that Be" from Angel: The Series. Made things a bit easier. The four people though, my creation. Also, Shugotenshi means "Guardian Angel" in Japanese, but I decided to shorten it down to Shu. She still takes on the form of Minako, but at least she has a new name. I was thinking of doing Nako, or Minai, but I liked Shu. It's cute. 

Also, wondering what it was that Shu put in his pocket? Well, if you don't know already, then I can't tell you. Sorry! *grins* I dedicate this entire story to all you Usa/Mamo fans. Keep rockin. Thank you all, love you, and hope you enjoyed Love me for who I am! Please watch out for my other fanfics that'll be coming to a near Fanfiction.net near you!


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